DANCE as though no one is watching

Great Quote

2008-11-12T19:29:00.002-05:00

I read this quote the other day. I have no idea who said it but I really like it.

Rosa sat so that Martin could walk. Martin walked so that Barack could run. Barack ran so that our children could fly.

Regardless of your political affiliation, that's a great quote.

Don't 'Cha Hate that?

2008-11-12T19:25:00.002-05:00

I got gas on my way home from work yesterday. I paid $2.23 a gallon for regular. I know. I about did a dance next to the pump.

On my drive to work this morning, a mere 13 hours after I filled my tank, the very same gas station now has gas for $2.13 a gallon. Don't 'cha just hate that?

I was pretty bummed that I didn't wait a day. Until I realized it would have been about $.80 that I saved if I waited. I think I can deal with that 80 cents.

But still....don't 'cha just hate that?

The Story's Last Chapter?

2008-10-26T14:16:00.003-04:00

If you live in the Philly area you know it POURED on Saturday. If you don't live in this area but tried to watch the World Series game 3 at 8:30pm you know it was pouring in Philly. Rain was blowing every which way. For hours. Guess what did not make its way into my apartment? That very same rain. It seems the leak has really, actually, officially been fixed.

[insert hallelujah chorus and happy dance here]

The Story Continues.....

2008-10-19T19:20:00.002-04:00

Last month I wrote about the leak in my apartment. It has since been 'resolved'. I use that term loosely because it hasn't really rained any significant amount since the day it rained into my apartment.

When that happened, I wrote a letter to the apartment complex letting them know that my leak was very much not fixed as they previously stated. I casually reminded them of the health risks and asked that this be resolved quickly. They did move quickly, I will give them credit for that. However, they had to call a roofer, wait for him to come, wait for his proposal, approve his proposal, wait for the roofer to complete the work and wait for the painter to show up to repaint the wall (a.k.a. paint over the wet spots). All of that took two weeks.

My leak, however, was fixed. Do you know how I know it was fixed? Because the front office has a bill for the work from the roofer. Seriously, that's how the front office told me they know the roof is fixed. It took all I had not to laugh or make some smart alec comment when she told me that.

I still have no idea if there is mold growing behind the wall. The painter did come to paint the wall but you can absolutely still see the water stains through the new paint. Do you know how I know I can still see the stains? Because I can see them. (sorry, couldn't resist)

I do have a bookshelf that has sustained water damage. The entire bottom of the bookshelf is warped. Perhaps another letter to the apartment complex requesting a new bookshelf is in order.

Stay tuned for that.....

Seriously Wrong

2008-10-14T19:10:00.003-04:00

It is really, really wrong that there are Christmas decorations for sale in stores already. The Halloween candy is barely on sale and stores are lining their shelves with items for Christmas. It used to be sad when we couldn't get through Thanksgiving without Christmas decorations on sale but this is a bit ridiculous. Pretty soon there just might be Christmas in July. It's seriously wrong people.

2008-10-08T20:03:00.001-04:00

One night I was driving home with two friends. One of those friends had left her car at the train station and so we drove there to pick up her car. It was around 11pm. As she got out of my vehicle, I rolled down the window and joked that I’d wait to make sure her car started. We all chuckled, I rolled up the window and her car wouldn’t start. The chuckling stopped.

Being my father’s daughter, I have jumper cables in my trunk. The spot she was parked in was on a slight incline. I suggested she put her car in neutral and see if she could coast backward. I wanted to make room to pull my car up in front of hers. We popped the hoods and I unloaded the cables from the trunk. And I looked at them. I could not remember which car to start with and which anode to attach first. I remembered something about grounding. So my other friend called her husband and he was going to walk us through what to do.

Meanwhile, it had been raining. In our attempt to untangle the cables, two of them hit each other. Oh say can you see. The sparks that flew from those cables put on quite the show. Me, being the rational, sane and non-dramatic woman that I am, started freaking out. Luckily a stronger and braver woman than I pulled them apart. I’m grateful for my friends.

We did manage to hook up my vehicle to hers. We turned on my vehicle, turned on her vehicle and nothing. We tried again. Nothing. We followed ‘the husband’s’ directions but we couldn’t get her car to start. Being the mechanics that we are, we self-diagnosed a faulty starter. Or spark plugs. It was a toss up.

My friend called her insurance company and got a tow truck (or a wrecker for you southerners; that’s a story for another time). It’s now nearly midnight. Obviously no one was there to receive her vehicle. The next morning we drove over to let them know why the car was there and give them the key. What happened there is also a story for another day but suffice it to say, they found nothing wrong with it. The car started for them immediately and every time thereafter. That’s always helpful. It’s like having weeks of bad hair days until the day of your hair appointment or days of feeling horrible but your color returns on the day of the doctor appointment.

She ended up bringing her car to a different mechanic who diagnosed a problem, fixed it and her car has been starting since. Should there be a next time, I won’t let the clamps on the cables touch each other; and if I once again can not remember which vehicle and/or anode to start with, I’ll follow the nice drawing in my owner’s manual.

I'm going to tell you a story.....

2008-09-30T20:28:00.003-04:00

Once upon a time there appeared to be a leak coming in through the ceiling in my apartment. I called the front office and called the front office and one day someone showed up. The leak was "repaired" and the wall was painted and I was told all was well.

As I expected, the water stains reappeared. Seems paint doesn't cover everything. In addition, the rug in that corner of the apartment is damp and the book shelf in that area is warped from water. So, I wrote a formal letter requesting the issue be taking care of. I wasn't messing around.

A roofer was sent out to investigate. Red tape and politics translates into the roofer writes a proposal, the complex attempts to get approval, the work is completed (however long that takes) and then who knows what happens next. I am still awaiting approval.

Meanwhile, it rained for four days straight here. On Sunday it poured. I mean poured. And so did the water, into my apartment. I stood by the wall watching the water run down in streaks. Good times. There is now quite the pattern of water stains on that wall. Who needs a picture or print when you have lovely brownish splotches?

This story currently has no ending. Seems I am waiting and waiting and waiting.....

I can only hope there isn't mold growing on that wall or under the rug or under the bookshelf. I can only hope they actually fix the leak and repair the damage. I can only hope they replace the bookshelf. I can only hope they either dry or replace the carpet. I can only hope I am not displaced for the repairs but if I am, I can only hope they pay for my hotel. I can only hope.....

To be continued.....

The Duchess

2008-09-23T20:05:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago I got free tickets to attend a premier of the new movie The Duchess. No, this was not one of those fancy Hollywood premiers with a red carpet but it was a free movie.

It's not that this movie is poorly done. The acting is impeccable. Ralph Fiennes does a great job of making you hate him. Kiera Knightley does a great job portraying The Duchess. The scenery and costuming are beautiful. But I hated this movie.

It's the content that bothered me. It's okay for a married man to share his bed with whomever he chooses. His wife is expected to look the other way; to support his decision even. It reminded me a lot of The Other Boleyn Girl if you've seen that. I just makes (made) me mad.

It also made me really glad I was born when I was. Really glad.

It's Not Jeopardy....It's Love

2008-08-26T19:50:00.004-04:00

Right now I'm loving Sugarland's new album Love on the Inside. It's good. I mean really good. It's... roll the windows down, crank up the volume, sing as loud as you want and dance in the car without caring what the person next to you at the stop light thinks... good.

There is a song on the album titled Love. The premise of the song is this. If the answer is love, then what is the question. The song attempts to answer that with potential questions whose answer is love.

So I ask. If the answer is love, what would you say is the question?

Up, Up & Away

2008-08-20T21:34:00.008-04:00

For years now I have wanted to parasail. Why, I don't know. I'm not the daredevil, seek out adventure kind of person. But something about parasailing intrigued me. So, when I went on my mini vacation, I decided to give it a shot.

Lucky for me I have two friends who were kind enough to come on the boat with me. Cindy started out strictly as a passenger but somewhere along the way decided to sail with me. Mandy stuck to her guns as an observer and took some truly spectacular pictures as our on board photographer.I knew I didn't want to go first. I wanted to see what I was in for. The 'captain' asked who wanted to go first and this little kid raised his hand. So the captain sent up the only couple on the outing first instead. So glad he asked who was going first. Seems we didn't have a choice for our order and Cindy and I ended up last.

The other guy on the boat got us both strapped into this swing type seat. As he was tying the swing seat to my life jacket he proceeded to calmly tell me to be aware of sharks. Just yesterday, he said, there was a whole school of them following the boat. Uh huh. And one of them was named Jaws right? Nice try dude.

It was our turn. We made our way to the back of the boat, got hooked up to the parasail itself and there was no turning back from there. Once attached we were suddenly flying and I do mean flying backward into the air. Seriously, that thing just shoots you up there. You can tell by my face that I'm not exaggerating.It's a very odd feeling. Once you get up to a certain height (I'm not even going to begin to guess how high up we were) you just kind of float in the air. You can hear the wind in the sail. You can also hear the quiet, except for Cindy and I questioning our sanity.
We were looking around and below at the boats, jet skis, beach, buildings etc. All of a sudden we are leaping tall buildings in a single bound. Or just lifted even higher into the air. Seriously, we were high up there. I looked down and our boat was so small. It looked like a toy.After what felt like days being left up there, we were suddenly being reeled in like giant fish. Slowly we crept out of the sky. In order to land we were told to keep our legs out straight and we would be gently place on the back of the boat. Obedient little bees that we are, we did as we were told and landed safely on the back of the boat.
I haven't been that happy to see land since I got off the plane on my way back from Turkey in 2004.

We did it. Another adventure under my belt. Although I'm not ready to sign up and go again this weekend, I am glad that I did it. And I am especially glad that Cindy went with me and Mandy was on the boat and taking pictures. Especially glad.

This, after all, is the great adventure and I'm glad that I've been given adventurers to travel with.

Operation Mini Vacation

2008-08-19T19:28:00.001-04:00

I spent this past long weekend down in Virginia Beach visiting with some friends from college. It was so good to be with them. We have known each other for 16 years now, considering we met during freshman year. Actually Cindy and I met our first day arriving on campus since we were suitemates. I met Mandy shortly there after.

There is something to be said for spending time with people with whom you have a history. Although we have drifted in and out of each other’s lives over the years, I can’t help but think of them often. They each played an integral part in both my spiritual and life journeys. They come up in stories I tell about college life.

And now, after this weekend, they’ll come up again in stories I tell about crazy adventures I’ve been privileged to take. Who knows how many more they may be in in the future. After all, friends are friends forever……

Is It Me?

2008-08-07T16:06:00.000-04:00

It's summer. It's vacation season. People are going places. Or having a 'staycation' instead. I get it.

What I don't get is people who write on their Facebook account that they are 'having a blast at [insert place here]' or 'loving being on vacation in [insert place here].' I can't help but wonder, if you are having such a blast and loving being wherever it is that you are, what in the world are you doing on Facebook? Maybe it's just me.

do you think this is true?

2008-08-06T19:13:00.001-04:00

Man finds it hard to get what he wants, because he does not want the best. God finds it hard to give, because He would give the best and man will not take it. -George Macdonald

Now that is going to take some time to sink in.

Timber!

2008-08-04T19:42:00.002-04:00

So there I am in CVS, innocently looking at their beach chairs (that are 25% off this week, by the way). For some reason they are all stacked on top of the shelves. Maybe they had no where else to put them? I don't know. I pulled a couple off the shelf to make sure they opened and closed. I took them for a test drive, aka sat in them. I decided on the one I wanted.

Rather than leave the ones I pulled off the shelf on the floor (as some people are in the habit of doing) I decided I would put them back up on top of the shelf. I placed one back up. I folded the next and put that on top of it, which is how I found it. In my effort to make sure it wouldn't fall off the top shelf and knock someone in the head, apparently I pushed a tad too hard. On the shelf behind the one I was re-stacking there was a row of ugly Igloo coolers. My attempt to return the chair resulted in several Igloo coolers becoming one with the floor. With great flair from what I could hear. (Hey, if you're going to do it might as well do it well.)

So I did what anyone else would have done. I pretended like it wasn't me and went about my business. Oh come on; you would have done the same thing.

*Note: no people or ugly Igloo coolers were harmed in the telling of this tale.

Too Much Profit?

2008-07-31T18:38:00.001-04:00

With a show of hands, who likes to make a profit? Yup, my hand is raised too. That's how most of us get paid. I wonder, however; Is there such thing as too much profit?

I read the following on cnn.com this morning:

"Exxon Mobil once again reported the largest quarterly profit in U.S. history Thursday, posting net income of $11.68 billion on revenue of $138 billion in the second quarter. That profit works out to $1,485.55 a second."

What? This just really feels wrong to me. Nearly every business has reported losses. Gas and food prices are through the roof. The economy, whether the government will admit it or not, is in a recession. But Exxon is making billions.

Meanwhile families have to choose between buying milk and eggs for the refrigerator or gas for the car. The budget doesn't quite go as far as it used to. But Exxon is making billions.

Again, I get that everyone needs to make a profit. I'm not faulting Exxon for making money. It's just I have a problem with that much money. In a three month time period.

So I ask the question again. Is there such thing as too much profit? My empty wallet thinks so.

You're Out!

2008-07-29T20:13:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I went to see the Phillies play the Braves. What an absolutely insane game. The first 4 innings flew by. Then the game, and the fans, took a turn for the worse.

The Phillies were leading 3-0 in the top of the 5^th inning. Run after run the Braves began scoring. So much for ace Cole Hamels. That scoring led to some taunting by a few Braves fans sitting in the section next to ours. Taunting and their team losing do NOT sit well with Philly fans of any kind. A Phillies fan took it upon himself to let those Braves fans know it. Punches were nearly thrown and the CBP security and police came running in to save the day. They threw out the Phillies fan but allowed the Braves fans to stay. If the Philly fans were upset before, they were livid now. Chants of not so nice words were permeating the ballpark. Apparently the Braves fans couldn't let bygones be bygones and they started their taunting again.

Now meanwhile the game is still going on and the Braves are still scoring. It's now 6-3, the Braves having taken the lead. Security came back in and finally (after much yelling from surrounding Phillies fans) threw out those tomahawk choppers. You should have heard the cheering and roaring of the crowd when those guys were removed. The only problem, the cheers came at exactly the same time as one of the Braves hit a 3-run homer. If you were elsewhere in the ballpark or certainly a player on the field you would have thought there were a lot of Braves fans in attendance. Not good timing.

In total the Braves scored 9 runs that inning. That's a deficit not easily overcome. But don't count the Phillies out; just ask last year's Mets team. The very next inning the Phils scored 7 runs and managed to hold on. The final – 10-9 Phillies. That sold out crowd went ballistic when Chase Utley threw out the last batter.

Twists, turns, fights, near punches, taunts, highs, lows; it was like an episode of the Soprano's, minus the guns and the cannoli. I loved it. Batter up!

Is This Normal?

2008-07-28T21:10:00.000-04:00

I went for a run this past weekend. Since it was the weekend I went several hours later than 5am. I was not getting up that early on a weekend. It's a lot sunnier and warmer a few hours later than 5am. That makes the run a bit harder. Well, at least for me it did. I came away from that run with one thought going through my mind – I hate running.

I hated it this weekend. I got no joy out of it at all. I kept wondering why am I doing this. I kept thinking I get up at 5am for this.

Runners, is that normal? Are there days when you absolutely hate running?

I just hope I can put this in the 'this too shall pass' category.

2008-07-23T19:04:00.001-04:00

I set my alarm for 5am this morning and my alarm went off along with some pretty serious lightning and thunder. So I did what anyone else would have done. I rolled right over. Heck if I was getting up to run in lightning and thunder. You've got to be kidding me. I like to curl up in a ball during thunderstorms not be out in them.

Truth be told, I was actually sad about it. I've gotten into a semi-routine and I'm really trying to stick with it. Good thing tomorrow is another day.

things that make you go....huh?

2008-07-22T19:49:00.003-04:00

I was driving home from work tonight and I saw this woman pushing one of those jogging strollers. You know, the ones with the three wheels. She had her workout clothes on; her earbuds in. She was either ready to go or ready to go home. I looked over and there was absolutely nothing in the stroller. No baby, no kid, no water bottle even. Not sure what possesses someone to go for a walk or jog pushing a stroller with no one and nothing in it. Not sure what that was all about.

Thou Shall Not Walk

2008-07-21T19:42:00.001-04:00

I am about to enter week 7 of my 9 week running program. (I would be in week 8 if it weren't for my falling off the wagon that one week.) This whole program has been a combination of walking and running for various lengths of time. This morning I entered into the world of all running and no walking (except for the brief warm-up walk at the beginning).

This morning I was tasked with running for 25 minutes with no waking. 25 minutes. Do you know long 25 minutes is? That's 1,500 seconds. That's longer than a 30 minute sitcom on TiVo when you skip through the commercials. It's a long time.

I'm so glad for my ipod. At one point Eye of the Tiger came on and I channeled my inner Rocky for a few minutes. Another point a dance song came on and I was suddenly dancing on Dancing with the Stars. Hey, you gotta pass the time somehow.

I kept telling myself I could walk if I needed to. I figured it's a mind game anyway so if I told myself I could then I probably wouldn't want to. I played the 'just run to that corner and then you can walk' game once or twice. I never did walk. I ran the whole way. I felt invigorated; sweaty and really gross but invigorated.

I need to figure out my breathing. Anyone have any tips about that?

In the meantime, from here on out, I'll take it one stride, one song at a time. It's a good thing because walking is no longer an option.

Amazing Grace

2008-07-16T18:33:00.001-04:00

I recently watched the movie titled Amazing Grace. It's a film based on the true story of a man, William Wilberforce, who sets out to end the British transatlantic slave trade during the 1800s. Sounds like it could be a bore. This film is anything but. This is a great movie, a powerful movie. The dialogue is thought provoking. The storyline is challenging. You should rent it, watch it On Demand, get it at your library; just watch it.

When the movie is over, don't be quick to turn off the DVD or walk away from the TV. The version of Amazing Grace that bellows from your speakers in between the credits is so…well…amazing that you won't want to miss it.

God sometimes does His work with gentle drizzle, not storms. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Boot Scootin'

2008-07-15T19:38:00.004-04:00

This past weekend it was girls night out for some country line dancing. The husbands were left at home (that was easy for me) and we headed over to Jersey to Prospectors. Now, yes, on the surface it does seem like an oxymoron to say Jersey and country in the same sentence. But this place was not hurting for business. And no, they didn't play club music in between sets of country. It was straight up country all night. Yee haw!

Now I don't know if it's due to the wedding ring on each of my friends or what but no young cowboys (urban or otherwise) asked any of us to dance. The only ones who did were these old men. No, not the sleazy old bar hopping going through a mid-life crisis need to dance with younger women type of old men but old men nevertheless. I was boot scootin' around with this guy but I was missing by boogey. Dancing with an old man can do that to ya!

That is, until they finally played a line dance that I knew. Once that Tush Push came on my inner country cowgirl came out and I got my boogey back. I lost it again after that song was over but whatever; I relished it while I had it.

We did dance other line dances but it's not the same when you are trying not to run the person over next to you or step on someone's toes as you are trying to learn a dance. We tried to spot the people in the crowd who knew what they were doing and follow them. At times it worked and at times, let's just say not so much.

Although I didn't meet a cowboy (or any guy for that matter) we did have a fun girls night out. We got to party 'til the cows c[a]me home, boot scootin' all the way.

That Girl

2008-07-14T20:02:00.003-04:00

Some friends and I went out to dinner this past weekend. The waiter took our order. For me - Cobb Salad, dressing on the side please. No crazy ordering a la Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. Just a salad. Our five entrees came out and a salad was placed in front of me. The dressing was so not on the side. I didn't want to be that girl; you know, the one who sends back her salad because the dressing wasn't on the side. So I started to eat it. I was hungry. Several bites in I started thinking. I know I wouldn't order a salad with crispy chicken. Where's the avocado? Or hard boiled egg? Or cheese? Okay, this is not my salad. So, after being convinced by everyone to get the right salad, I became that girl; the one who sends back her salad because it's the wrong one.

Ever see the movie Waiting? Yeah, me neither. People at the table were telling stories about this movie. Apparently wait staff spit in people's food (and a whole lot worse). Oh but don't worry, that won't happen here. Nice try for assurance guys.

The waiter brought me the right salad and after taking a quick glance around the plate for any 'extras', I ate the grilled chicken, avocado, cheese, hard boiled egg etc with a smile.

A little while later the manager came over and told us that my salad was on the house. After another reference to Waiting in his presence, he assured me that no one spit in my food. They don't do that kind of thing there. That's what they all say.

So, I then became that girl; the one who only has to pay for her drink because someone else screwed up her order. Now I like that girl. I really don't mind someone else picking up the dinner tab.

Today Makes Two

2008-07-10T18:45:00.002-04:00

I did it again. That's twice now. I'm on a roll; albeit a small one. I heard the blaring at 5am again this morning. I resisted tossing the thing across the room and just got up. I got ready, with next to no grumbling, and headed out the door. Although the air was still wet (hey, it's July on the east coast; humidity happens) it was cooler out this morning than last time. Dare I say, I kind of like my run this morning. I think I'll stop there before I say something else that I might later regret or have to be held accountable to.

**On a side note, I think I just came up with a new t-shirt slogan: Humidity Happens. I'll wear that sucker on days in the summer when my bad hair day can easily be blamed on the humidity. It'll be my way of saying - yes I know my hair is so huge that I can barely fit in the doorway or the frizz is so bad it looks like a halo around my head with this ponytail. Hey, humidity happens. Come to think of it, I should get a couple, in different colors. And wash them often for I'll be wearing them often. Again, it's July on the east coast.

Gas War Update

2008-07-10T18:43:00.003-04:00

Today on my way home from work I noticed that both gas stations have regular gas for $4.11 a gallon. Do I hear $4.09? This is a war I can get behind.

Local Gas War

2008-07-09T19:16:00.002-04:00

There is an intersection near my apartment that has a gas station on three out of the four corners. No joke. One of those stations has recently re-opened after being closed for a short time. On my way to work I noticed that one gas station had regular gas for $4.17 a gallon. The newly re-opened station was selling it for $4.13 a gallon. I couldn't help but think that even though there was only a 4 cent difference the one selling cheaper gas would certainly gain more business. I'd have lower prices too, especially if I am competing for gas patrons on an already saturated corner.

On my way home from work the station with the $4.17 per gallon gas had lowered it's price to $4.13. I guess the competition proved too steep. Here's hoping the originally lower station will lower their prices again. I am not counting on it happening but I would defenitely be happy if they did.

Never Say Never

2008-07-08T20:24:00.002-04:00

Not too long ago I said there was no way I would get up at 5am to go for a run. Nope, never gonna happen. Well, I should know by now to never say never.

The obnoxious beeping woke me at 5 am. After toying with the idea of throwing the alarm clock across the room I hit the off button and got up. I knew if I laid there I'd be right back to sleep quicker than you can say what the heck are you doing. I peeked through the mini blinds in my room and saw that it was dark. And wet. I came this close to climbing back in bed but I knew I'd never really fall back asleep at that point. I got ready, grumbling at times, grabbed my ipod, chugged some water and was out the door.

It's really humid here right now. The kind of humid that makes you wave your hands in front of your face thinking you can move some of the air in order to see more clearly. Good times.

Once I got into the run, though, it was okay. It was actually kind of serene since the typical sounds of the day were not yet there. It was also kind of peaceful watching the day arrive and the sun begin to rise.

Truth? Getting up at 5 am wasn't all that bad. Now I'm not saying I'm going to get up at 5 am every time I go for a run. But, never say never. I just might do it again.

Grow basil, grow!

2008-07-01T20:03:00.004-04:00

I have a little herb garden on my patio. Growing outside my apartment is a pot of basil and a pot with a mix of flat leaf parsley and rosemary. No sage. Or Thyme. Sorry Simon and Garfunkel.

My basil had been growing out of control. It was time for a trim. I hacked at it (a.k.a. snipped nicely with kitchen scissors) and cut enough to make a pesto sauce. My very first pesto sauce ever. I do have to say, I make a mean pesto.

A little pesto sauce; a little whole wheat penne; a little warm bread. Molto bene! [if only hand gestures like kissing your fingertips like an Italian could come across on a blog]

Molto bene indeed!

2008-06-26T20:01:00.002-04:00

I went running a couple of times so far this week. I'm back in the saddle...er...groove again. For now at least.

While I was running one night this week after work I realized two things.

1. There is nothing like running in a new pair of sneakers. Apparently the elusive 'they' is right. New shoes do make a difference. They certainly don't help my need for oxygen but they certainly do put a spring in my step. Plus my feet stand out since the sneakers are so white.

2. I seriously do NOT like running after work. You'd think it would be a great idea. Sort of run that stress right out of my body. I've been sitting at a computer all day; running will be good. Not so much. I feel sluggish; I feel rundown; I just don't like it.

You know what this means right? I'm going to become one of them who buys a new pair of sneakers every 3 months. After all that's what 'they' recommend. And not only that but I may have to get up at 5 am and go for a run before I get ready for work. Ew! The sun isn't even up at that time. It's even smart enough to stay hidden for a little while longer.

We'll see though. First I need a habit. Then I'll go from there.

I will rise

2008-06-11T19:36:00.003-04:00

You know the phrase 'old habits die hard'? Well I have a new one. New habits can fizzle. So much for a habit. I was this close. My confession; I have only run once this week. I didn't quite make it to the 'habit day.' I have my reasons:

It was hot outside. We broke records left and right. As a matter of fact my section of Philly was on the news due to an electric cable breaking and us losing power. It was way to hot to pound the pavement.

I am lazy. There is no way on God's green earth I was getting up at 5am to run before the crazy heat started and before getting ready to go to work. It's not happening. Not even on the morning I woke up at 5am on my own. No siree. (What was that about anyway?)

I hate the gym. Sure I could have run on a treadmill in a 'nice' 'air conditioned' place (I use both words loosely. Nice and gym do not go together.) But then again no. See first sentence.

So for all of the ways I boasted about maybe being a runner I have to take that back now. A real runner would not have let any of that list get in the way. Okay so maybe I'm not a "real runner." Not yet anyway. Oh but I'll get there. A real runner I will be. The habit mark I will pass.

Like Confucius said, "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." So, I've fallen. But unlike that old lady in the life alert commercial I can get up. I'll rise. I'll suck wind again, that's for sure (especially since I'm now a week behind schedule). But I will rise. And I will run.

2008-06-10T18:51:00.003-04:00

You know gas prices are out of control when the gas station doesn't have enough number 4 cards to use on all of its signs so it has to resort to spray paint.

I heart Country Music

2008-06-09T21:10:00.002-04:00

Believe it or not there is a country radio station in Philadelphia. Hard to believe I know. It’s been here for 24 years actually. The station is so cool that it threw itself an anniversary party. And I got to go. For free.

This wasn’t just any kind of party. It was an all day, outdoor country music fest. The lineup was fantastic. I saw Chuck Wicks, Keith Anderson, Pat Green, Billy Ray Cyrus (yes it’s true), Terri Clark and my current favorite Sugarland.

I had two tickets so my friend Anita from college flew up to hang out this weekend and go with me. Little did she (or I) know what we’d be in store for. All week ‘they’ were calling for thunderstorms on Saturday. I wasn’t sure if we’d even get to go. Well, thunderstorms turned into excessive heat instead. The temperatures hit around 96. Add the humidity to that and the heat index was nearly 110. Now imagine yourself sitting on a giant field in those conditions with no shade and several thousand other people. It was crazy. I think I sweat my full body weight. And that was before 1pm. I applied and reapplied sunscreen and still managed to burn in places. In fact I’m radiating heat as I type.

In spite of that heat it was such a great time. The artists were so good and I loved every minute of it. Seriously, if you have the chance to see Sugarland take it. They are great in concert. I was reminded how much I love country music. Seriously, I *heart* country music. I was also reminded of how good it is to spend time with ‘old’ friends.

Anniversary Show tickets, $0. Parking $20. Water and food $18. Making memories with an ‘old’ friend while rockin’ out to country music and sweating like no other – priceless!

Running to Habit

2008-06-03T20:09:00.002-04:00

I am now in my 3^rd week of this running program. “They” say that 21 days builds a habit. So I’m nearly at the habit stage. This week the task is to jog for 90 seconds, walk 90 seconds, jog 3 minutes, and walk 3 minutes. Repeat. Um, excuse me? Jog for how long? Just last week, a mere 2 days ago, I was jogging for 90 seconds and now you want me to double that? You’ve got to be kidding me.

I did it though. I realized a few things while I was running tonight. And these are in no particular order. A mere 2 weeks and a few days ago I would have come up with any excuse not to run. Like tonight. It’s windy and a storm is on the way. I would have talked myself out of it 2+ weeks ago. Tonight, I wanted to go as soon as I got home to get the run in before the rain came. Does that make me an official runner now? Well, maybe I have to wait a few more days until I officially pass the habit day.

I also realized maybe I should change my goal. My goal was to run 3 miles without needing an oxygen tank. After my run today I think that goal should be changed to one mile. Perhaps I should start smaller. That 3 minutes nearly sent me over the edge.

Seriously, the first one wasn’t so bad but when that second 3 minute run rolled around again I wanted to use some not so nice words. I tried to break it down into 30 second increments thinking that would ease the pain. I know. It’s only 3 minutes. Seems like nothing. Until you start running. But then once minute 2 passed I seem to get a second wind. That last 60 seconds wasn’t so bad.

I’m so hoping this gets easier.

Here’s to habits. And nearly habits. And becoming a runner.

Fairness & God

2008-06-02T19:40:00.000-04:00

Our pastor is currently preaching a series on the lies that we tend to buy into. The sermon at church this past week was titled Life is Fair. That certainly is a lie. For life is anything but fair. Then again our sense of fairness usually means things are going our way or we are getting what we want. When we don't, we tend to scream it's not fair. (those sentences are my own take on the sermon, not words my pastor used)

The sermon reminded me of a conversation I had with some dear friends a while back in Arizona. My friend Kim was commenting how it's easy for us to say 'God is good' or use some other phrase with the same meaning when things are going our way and when we get what it is that we want. She then posed an insightful question. Do we say the same phrase; do we feel the same way when things are seemingly not going our way or when we aren't getting what we want? Kim asked that question that day and it came out of a painful place she was in at the time. It's a powerful question. The answer, at least for me I'm afraid, isn't always yes. In fact, it's seldom yes. I tend to let my circumstances be my barometer for far too many things.

The truth is God is God regardless of my circumstances. It doesn't have to feel true to be true.

It's probably a good thing that life isn't fair. Otherwise, every time we broke the law and went over the speed limit we'd get a ticket. Every time we used the copier at work for personal copies or grabbed something from the printer tray that we got online for personal use we'd be charged a fee. On and on it goes.

"God is God and I am not. I can only see a part of the picture he's painting. God is God and I am man, so I'll never understand it all for only God is God." Steven Curtis Chapman

Happy Anniversary to me!

2008-05-27T19:54:00.000-04:00

Three years ago this past weekend I arrived on the East Coast (or the 'right coast' as my mother commonly referred to it), completing my move from Arizona. It's hard to believe that three years have gone by already. Time certainly flies. I moved back, among other reasons, to be closer to my family. I've seen them a lot over the past three years. I've been able to attend graduations, anniversaries, confirmations, parties and dinners. Most of which I would have missed if I still lived in the land of cacti and warmth. For that, and so much more, I am grateful.

Happy 3^rd Anniversary to me!

Internet Blues

2008-05-24T11:00:00.002-04:00

My internet at home has been out all week. So today I am catching up on the posts that I wrote. It's been quite the week.

I called the internet provider earlier in the week. I talked to two different people who ran my computer through all of these diagnostic type tests. I get that many people are computer clueless. The one guy asked me to turn the modem off and turn it back on again. Really? Now why didn't I think to do that earlier? Seriously. Tried that already. Then it was to unplug it from the wall and wait exactly 2 minutes before plugging it back in. The magical 2 minutes passed and nothing. So glad I moved the queen bed complete the headboard attached by myself for nothing. Many failed diagnostic tests and a long time on the phone later, they scheduled a technician to come by.

The internet technician guy came to my apartment this morning. I told him the internet had been out since last Saturday. A light bulb went off in his head. In short, last Saturday he came to our complex to connect someone to their services. While connecting them in the main box, he 'accidentally' disconnected me. Good times.

At the technician's suggestion, I called the main number and requested a credit for the missed week of service. Would you believe she gave me a hard time about that? She wasn't going to budge. So, I asked that she call the technician and have him verify that he, in fact, did inadvertently disconnect me from my service. I don't even know where the box is. I certainly could not have done it myself.

So I now wait to hear if I will get the full credit or not. If not, my phone conversation may be taped and used at their next training for what to do when people who grew up in Jersey call and want a refund.

The Rainbow Connection

2008-05-24T10:59:00.001-04:00

This week we've had several days we've had the kind of weather where half the sky is sunshine half rain clouds. That's ripe sky for a rainbow. To know me is to know my craziness for the 'bow. It's been a long time since I've seen one. Seriously, can't remember the last time.

So, at least twice this week, when the sky seemed ripe, I asked Jesus for a rainbow. I seriously felt I needed one. No rainbow when I got out of my car after work. No rainbow when I got back from my run/walk. Both times I was sure I would see one. Since I didn't immediately, I went inside and looked out my window just knowing that when I moved the blinds I'd be blinded by a 'bow. Both times not so much. I admit I was disappointed. Twice.

Thursday night my Bible study/book club was meeting at my apartment. A small storm rolled its way in while we were starting our discussion. After the rain stopped, out of the corner of my eye I saw sun shinning on some really dark rain clouds. In the middle of my sharing I felt this overwhelming need to run to the sliding glass door to my tiny balcony. Still speaking (yet not acknowledging what I was doing), I jumped up, drew back the blinds and there, in all its glory, was a rainbow.

Apparently I must have said something because everyone was up and racing for the doors. We all squeezed onto my balcony and there, directly in front of us was a glorious site. Not only did Jesus answer my request for a rainbow he answered with brilliance. There was no tiny rainbow before us. There was a giant, sweeping across the entire sky, bright double rainbow. I didn't just get one. I got two. Yea, Jesus loves me that much.

Sometimes when we bring our desires to God he appears to be silent. Sometimes his answer to our request is no. Sometimes his answer is wait. The two times I asked for a 'bow and didn't get one I was disappointed. All I wanted was to see a little rainbow. I mean how hard could that be for him?

When I wasn't really looking, the answer I got was more than I had even asked for. I asked for a little 'bow and I got giant, double brilliance. God is like that. He is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine. And sometimes, he does just that.

Tales from the I.C.U.

2008-05-22T10:55:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine was rushed to the hospital this week. She had a seizure at work and after multiple tests, including a CAT scan and a brain MRI, it seemed she had a blood vessel burst and there was bleeding on her brain. When I got to the hospital the day after the seizure we learned that there were two doctors that differed on treatment options. One said brain surgery and the other medication. I liked the medication guy even though I had no idea who he was or what his credentials were. He got my vote. Kick the other one off the island.

When I heard the phrase brain surgery the first thing that popped into my mind was Dr. McDreamy. I told another friend we could fly him out to perform the surgery. Perhaps that was an emotional and/or verbal tic of sorts. Fear and a sense of uncomfortableness can often be disguised with humor.

We went into the cafeteria with our friend's sister so she could grab something to eat. We couldn't help but look around for the table of interns and/or residents sitting around. Perhaps I've watched Grey's Anatomy a bit too much. No such interns or residents. TV doesn't always emulate life. And sometimes it's just bad timing (maybe they ate earlier).

Long 'I hate hospitals, especially the ICU' story later, the latest is she is home. She will not be having brain surgery anytime soon. The medication doctor won out. See, I told you I liked him. Wait. Maybe that doctor is a she. That might explain it.

Thank you Jesus!

Some time I'll have to share all of the "I saw God here" moments from that day/night. Oh he was certainly there. How else would you explain having enough money in coins to pay for the ridiculous charge of parking at the hospital? Like we wanted to be there. It's not like we were shopping for bed pans. That's just one of many stories.

We love you BG! Praise God for you my friend. I'm glad that for you, it's all gravy. Here's to many more years of this warrior princess life we live. I look forward to journeying it with you.

2008-05-21T10:54:00.000-04:00

I went for another walk/run combination last night. I think this might be a record. I admit that I liked the 30 "extra" seconds of walking that I missed out on the other day. Why is it that the runs always seemed to be on the uphill? I couldn't time it differently even if I tried. I'm lucky that I can determine 60 and 90 seconds (thanks ipod) let alone timing a run to walk uphill and run down. It might be strange to say but I felt accomplished, invigorated when I got home. That's motivation right there. Plus my legs don't ache nearly as much today as they have over the past two days. It's the little things, people; little victories. I'll take whatever ones I can get.

Running is real and relatively simple…but it ain't easy.
--Mark Will-Weber

Narnia and Me

2008-05-19T19:43:00.000-04:00

I'm reading the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge with some friends of mine. Last week we read the chapter titled Warrior Princess about how as women we do want to play an irreplaceable role. Although part of us does want the knight to ride in on a white horse to rescue us the other part wants to fight in the battle. We need to fight in the battle.

This weekend I went to see The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. This is a great movie. A must see. Seriously, put it on your to-do list and into your budget. This movie is that chapter in Captivating come to life and then some. There is some great dialogue. There is humor. There is fun. And there is battle. There are so many beautiful on-screen images of the battle we face on a daily basis. And I loved all 2 hours and 20 minutes of it.

I love that CS Lewis got that warrior princess aspect of women. He got that there are both sides to us. He got that there is more to us than staying behind. He got that need to be a part of something bigger and the irreplaceable role that each of us plays. He got it and I thank him for it. Oh how I wish other people would.

A lot of the film reminded me of Lord of the Rings actually. I don't know if they ever met but I think Tolkein and Lewis would have made great friends. Can you imagine their conversations?

When you see the movie let me know. I'd love to have a conversation about the imagery, the symbolism, the battle, the questions etc. and get your take on it. Until then armor up. There's a battle out there and you'll need it.

2008-05-17T12:39:00.003-04:00

I started a running program this morning. Hopefully it will be more than a phase. I have a goal though so maybe that will help. I want to be able to run 3 continuous miles without needing an oxygen tank. I put it out there so now I actually have to do it.

The first week is one of those run then walk combinations. I gotta tell ya, that 60 second walk was the shortest minute ever while the run portion seemed to last forever. I should sleep well tonight. I got home and checked the running schedule to see how long this breakdown lasts and I realized that I was supposed to walk for 90 seconds and not 60. Thank God I get to extend the walk portion just a bit longer. Those extra 30 seconds had better last.

Part way through the combination this morning I walked/ran by these 3 teenage boys. Modern day T-Birds is what I labeled them. The 3 were walking together and got to the point in their journey where departing was inevitable. They did their own combination near the corner. There was this hand slapping, shoe touching, shoulder crashing ritual that took place in front of me. See, modern day T-Birds. Minus the leather jacket. It is spring after all.

2008-05-04T18:45:00.002-04:00

According to C.S. Lewis, "we are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."

I think sometimes we think the best must equal a state of being pain free, and/or happiness (in the worldly/circumstances sense) etc. And when life doesn't look or feel like that we naturally think God must be holding out on us. Obviously this can not be his best.

But sometimes the best is painful. Sometimes the best is a process. Sometimes the process is painful. But it's still the best.

Boy is that hard to believe/remember on a daily 'in the midst of' basis.

A New Mantra?

2008-04-28T18:53:00.000-04:00

This past weekend my church had its annual Ladies Tea at a local hotel. The Ladies Tea is a chance for the woman to dress up, eat as much dessert as desired, listen to a speaker, fellowship, did I mention eat lots of dessert and drink…well…tea together. The men in our church were all gussied up in their jackets and ties and were the servers for the night. The guys valeted our cars, refilled our tea cups and served in other ways. It was truly a beautiful night and a great event.

Each table had a host who personally decorated the table in their choosing. There were some creative and fun theme tables as well as some elegant and beautiful ones. Each hostess had parting gifts for us and some people, not yours truly, won door prizes. Although I think I won anyway not only with my favors but also with my beautiful tablemates and hostess. I'm a lucky girl.

It was fun to be dressed up and look pretty. I kept singing, 'I feel pretty; oh so pretty.' Considering that is the only line in that song that I know, that is all I kept singing for a while. There are worse things I could have been singing, I suppose. But now, after typing this guess what is once again being knocked around between my ears. 'I feel pretty; oh so pretty…." A new mantra perhaps?

2008-04-24T17:57:00.000-04:00

Since the weather has turned nice I've started getting off the train at an earlier stop than normal and walking to work. My ipod, trench coat, sneakers and I have loved the opportunity to be outside. It's truly a glorious time.

Today was Bring Your Kid to Work Day (or whatever they are calling the 'holiday' these days). So, on my walk this morning I saw quite a few kids walking with their dads. Yup, I only saw dads taking their kiddos to work today. Some kids walked with little backpacks on, some were in shorts, some dressed up for the day, some were holding dad's hand and others were content to walk beside or in front of their fathers. It truly was a beautiful site. One dad was walking with his three daughters all varying in age, one young enough that she wanted to hold dad's hand. Another father was walking holding his young son's hand (they were dressed alike by the way – it was adorable) and when they got closer to the buildings the boy was jumping up and down pointing at buildings asking, 'is that it?' Although I was touched by them all, boys and girls and some proud looking dad's alike, there was one little girl that caught my attention.

She was walking just in front of her father. She had on a cute little outfit with a denim jacket. She walked as if there was no where else she'd rather be. Her confident, proud, excited walk struck me, even from a short distance away. As they got closer our eyes met and she had the biggest smile on her face. Her little face lit up. She knew she was all that and a bag of chips. Her smile, her walk and her eyes said it all. Her dad was taking her to work. She was clearly proud of that and clearly excited for the adventure she'd already had on the train into the city and walking the streets of Philadelphia, and the adventure of the office that was yet to come.

I couldn't help but both smile and tear up as I continued my walk to my office. Oh to look at life through the eyes of a child. No wonder Jesus wanted the little children to come to him. There is something about life through a child's eyes. This little girl felt valued, felt proud to be her father's daughter, and felt excited for a trip to work. Perhaps I should view my walk to the office in that light from here on out. Then someone else may say about me, I saw this woman that caught my attention…..

I Stand Corrected

2008-04-22T22:03:00.000-04:00

In my post below, To Bow is to be Sued, I kind of ranted about a court case in New Jersey involving a coach, his team and prayer. I admit that I got my information from an article I read on-line (that was actually from a newspaper). I also admit that I did not read a lot of background information, particularly the court documents themselves. I fell into the media trap.

Luckily I have a friend who is about to graduate law school (congratulations Erin, I'm proud of you) who commented on that post and set me straight. Or at least it gave me some nuggets to chew on. She did read the court opinions, took all that legalese and translated it into English that we non-lawyers can understand. I encourage you to read her comments under that post.

In addition, my friend Katie is a high school teacher. She posted a comment from the perspective of an educator. I encourage you to read her comments as well.

I actually support the separation of church and state as a protector of both the church and the state. It's the personal interpretations and the 'how do we live that out on a daily basis' that I have a hard time with. The lines can become so blurry; freedoms can be interpreted in many ways. Someone's "freedom" to take up two seats on the train violates my "right" for a seat, especially when we each paid for one seat. That's a funny and unrelated example but I think the point is there (and not to mention it's something we commuters face on a near daily basis).

I'm grateful to have friends in law places that can set the record straight. Something tells me though, this won't be the last time it'll happen.

They're baaaaack!

2008-04-21T20:52:00.000-04:00

All new episodes of my favorite shows return this week: Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy and Brothers and Sisters. It's like welcoming an old friend. I'm looking forward to getting reacquainted. How long we'll have them back is another story. My guess is they'll be gone by the week of Memorial Day for the summer hiatus. I'll enjoy their time back for as long as I have it.

To Bow is to be Sued

2008-04-17T07:58:00.000-04:00

Let me pose a scenario:

A group of high school athletes desires to pray before games. They take it upon themselves to gather those who desire to participate, bow their heads, close their eyes and pray together as a group. Their coach, being in the locker room with these athletes prior to the game, decides to silently join these students. He walks over near their prayer circle, bows his head and listens or perhaps prays with his students silently. The coach does not utter a word out loud. He simply bows his head in unity with his players. Sometimes, if his players had the posture, he would kneel on one knee along with them while they prayed.

Has that coach broken a law? Has he violated his students' constitutional right to separation of church and state? What do you think?

A federal appeals court in New Jersey seems to think he has. A lawsuit was brought against the coach by the East Brunswick Board of Education. And they won. The court ruled that the coach's decision to bow his head and get down on one knee endorsed religion, even though he never uttered a word out loud. He didn't push religion, he wasn't Bible thumping, and he wasn't leading the prayer or forcing students to be a part of it.

The court had the following to say about their ruling. "We find that based on the history of [the coach's] conduct with the team's players, his acts cross the line and constitute an unconstitutional endorsement of religion. Although [the coach] believes that he must continue to engage in these actions to demonstrate solidarity with his team ... we must consider whether a reasonable observer would perceive his actions as endorsing religion, not whether [the coach] intends to endorse religion."

Although the superintendent of the district was quick to point out that students themselves have the freedom to pray voluntarily whenever they like. Thanks for clearing that up.

Here is the part that really gets me. There was a three judge panel in this case. Two out of the three judges (which is the majority) had this to say, "If a football coach, who had never engaged in prayer with his team, were to bow his head and take a knee while his team engaged in a moment of reflection or prayer, we would likely reach a different conclusion because the same history and context of endorsing religion would not be present." Basically, do it once and that's okay; but bow that head twice and you'll be sued.

What about a moment of silence that often occurs at sporting events to honor an event or person(s)? What does a coach do if that happens more than once in a season? During those times some people bow their heads, some people pray, some stand silently. Since it's a moment of silence no one knows what each individual is thinking or why they've taken that posture. If his players happen to bow their heads and he does too, will he be sued?

Now I'm not a judge nor am I a lawyer. I certainly have my own interpretations of the Constitution which many would probably never hold up in court. I tried to view this lawsuit from the point of the players, the school board, the judges etc. I tried. But I still don't fully see the value in the suit. And mainly for one reason.

With all the negativity in this world; with all the stories of coaches berating and beating players; with all the stories of parents and coaches fist-fighting over games; with all the bullying, guns and other school violence that occurs. With all of that, the school board spends money for this kind of lawsuit? No student (that's been reported) has ever come forward and complained about the coach's abilities, practices or character over his 22+ career coaching this very team. Some parents complained about him bowing his head and joining his players when they kneel (which, by the way, is a huge football tradition whether or not the player is considered religious). They ought to be thankful that this coach has taught their kids about their sport, about character and about the freedom to be who they are (even if that means they want to pray together). We should all be so lucky that the worst thing our coach ever did was bow his head along with ours.

Wisdom in the Rings

2008-04-14T19:09:00.000-04:00

This weekend I did something I've always wanted to do but never thought I'd actually take the time to do. I watched all three movies in the Lord of the Rings trilogy back to back to back. The extended versions. Approximately twelve hours of adventure, intrigue and fun. All in one very long but very fulfilling day.

Two friends ditched…I mean graciously excused themselves from their husbands… for a girls day of Rings. We settled in with snacks, food and drinks galore to watch on the big flat screen (we were obviously not at my apartment). Now I'm not a LOTR junkie. As a matter of fact, until Saturday (and early Sunday) I had only seen each movie once and I've never read the books. But there is something about these movies; something that stirs in your soul and awakens your heart.

Previously I had felt a connection with different characters in each movie for different reasons. Frodo, Legolas, Arwen, Eowyn, Gimli, Pippin, Galdalf, they all have spoken to me in some way. In some I've seen who I was, who I am and even who I hope to become. Others speak wisdom, beauty or humor that resonates with me. Of course there is Aragorn in all his denial and in all his kingly glory; as a woman he speaks to me and my heart. But this time, seeing the movies one right after the other and seeing how the story lines fit together and following them through to the end, this time I was touched by a different character. I think I have found my favorite character of all. Samwise Gamgee. Sam the Brave. Sam.

Sam delivers some of the greatest lines in the movies. He's the optimist, the loyal friend. The one who jumps in the water to catch Frodo even though he can't swim. The one who won't take no for an answer. At one point one of my friends commented that everyone needs a Sam. That friend who sticks closer than a brother. The one who will support you in all that you do even if it means saying what you don't want to hear or doing that which is beyond their natural abilities or finite understanding. I realized on Saturday that Sam is Jesus.

I believe that many characters represent a part of God's character. God is complex with many characteristics. It's fun to see them displayed on the big screen. But there was something about Sam that touched me on Saturday. He reminded me that I am not alone. Just when I think I can not move another inch, Jesus is there to lift me the rest of the way. When I try to do things on my own, God gently reminds me that he is near and I do not have to go alone. A friend who sticks closer than a brother.

I needed that reminder. But I also needed the reminders that came with the other characters as well as with the story itself. It was a good twelve hours of reminding.

Frodo: Go back, Sam. I'm going to Mordor alone.

Sam: Of course you are. And I'm coming with you.

Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened. Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

my journey, one tape at a time

2008-03-31T19:09:00.005-04:00

This weekend while cleaning I found a box full of old cassette tapes. Yes, I still have some of those. I couldn't throw away some fabulous mixed tapes that either I made or were made for me. College mixes, high school summer mixes, 'cross country trip mix, etc. They are too priceless and precious to part with. How can you part with songs that itunes would laugh at you should you search for them?

In my box is a tape from way back in the day. We're talking 1st and 2nd grade back in the day. There is a classic collection of math games that my 2nd grade teacher recorded for me along with a personal note at the end. There is my 1st grade class singing a song at our Christmas assembly. There's a song from my 5th grade dance recital. There is a recording of me (with my friend Chrissy) in maybe 2nd or 3rd grade just reading random papers that I found. One of those papers was from Catholic mass. My young Jersey accent is reading about how Jesus died for us, struggling to pronounce some words. It's heartwarming. How can you throw that away?

It's sad that many people never experienced both the joy and agony of trying to hit the record button at just the right time while awaiting your favorite song on Casey Kasem's Top 40 (or 20 or 10) countdown. Yup, I have a tape that has some of those moments.

Then there is the tape from my senior year of college where many InterVarsity members piled into one apartment to record all of the songs that we loved singing for four years. We rotated guitar players (myself included) and all sang a joyful noise to God, to each other and in remembrance of four years of growth, friendship and love.

These tapes are a part of me. In a way they are kind of like those piles of rocks turned altars that people erected in the Bible in order to remember what God had done. Yes these tapes are my musical journey but they are my spiritual journey as well. They sustained me, made me laugh, made me cry, made me hope, made me sing along, made me dance....

Luckily I have a stereo with a tape deck (two actually) so that I can enjoy this walk down memory lane now and any time I need a reminder of what I was listening to at a particular time in my life. The remembrance continues, one tape at a time.

Evan Almighty

2008-03-24T18:50:00.000-04:00

I watched Evan Almighty today and like Bruce Almighty before it, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked it and how much I took from it.

It reminded me that God does often ask us to do absolutely crazy things yet there is a very good purpose behind it. It might make absolutely no sense to us at the time and we may be accused of and even feel like we are in need of professional help. But it all makes sense in the end.

It reminded me that God does in fact have a sense of humor. I love watching God (Morgan Freeman) laugh at man (Evan). In one scene Evan says to God that building an ark is not in his plans. God gets a good laugh out of man talking about his plans. I imagine God gets quite a good kick out of me when I do or say the same thing.

It reminded me that God does in fact show up in some crazy ways and some crazy places but always at the right time. If we are attuned to him, we’ll know that it is in fact him. Otherwise it just seems like utter randomness or a really sweet waiter.

It reminded me that there is an 11^th commandment – thou shalt do the dance. Okay, so maybe that isn’t something the movie reminded me of but the whole dance thing was pretty funny. God does invite us to do the dance.

If you haven’t seen the movie you should. It’s funny, it’s cute and it’s a good reminder that God really does want to be in relationship with us. You too just might take something from it.

dancing in the rain

2008-03-19T20:17:00.001-04:00

Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

I read this quote today. I have no idea who said it (if you know, please let me know) but I know that I love it. It’s pretty profound.

Those of you who know me know that storms and I do not mix. Oh I could tell many storm stories some of which scared the crap out of me at the time but sure do make for great entertainment now. When they come, especially those out of control, crazy thunderstorms, I pray for them to pass. Will them to pass. Beg for protection until they pass. I don’t particularly care for the storms of life either (not that anyone really loves them). My response to life’s storms is pretty much the same as those that are weather related. But life is not about waiting for them to pass.

Those of you who know me also know that being wet and having wet hair (aside from those moments where being wet is warranted, ie at the beach, in a pool etc) and I do not mix. I have this crazy, curly, frizzy head of hair. And that’s on sunny days where there is 0% humidity and absolutely no wind. Get that head of hair wet and watch out. It’s my very own chia-pet. When it’s raining, I use an umbrella, I don’t splash in puddles and I certainly don’t dance in the rain. But life is about dancing in the rain.

It is going to rain. It is going to storm. It is going to do both in weather and in life. Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Go ahead and dance in the rain; both literally and figuratively. A certain freedom just might be found in the rain, in the healing water.

So if I get the choice to wait for the storm to pass or dance…..I hope I dance.

52 - pick me up?

2008-03-18T21:56:00.003-04:00

This past weekend I went on our all church retreat to Long Beach Island in NJ. It was a great time to be refreshed and to get to meet/know many 'new' people at church. Truly a blessed time. Although there are many things I could share about/from the weekend, what I will share is how my heart was refreshed by cards.

I love to play games. It's the love of competition side of me. On Friday night a group of us played cards for hours. Friday night became early Saturday morning and the dealing continued. I learned a new card game called Palace which was a blast. Toward the end of the night (or early in the morning) I had the opportunity to teach a few friends my favorite card game - Euchre. I haven't played Euchre in a long time. As a matter of fact the last time I may have played was in Turkey back in 2004. That's a long time ago. Nearly a lifetime has passed since then. Oh but the rules and the love of the game quickly returned.

My team may not have walked away from the table victorious but I walked away a winner. My body may have been tired but my soul was stirred. As my head hit the pillow sometime after 2am, I couldn't help but smile for my heart was full.

I'm ready for a rematch anytime.

BE Beautiful

2008-02-26T20:08:00.000-05:00

Not too long ago I was asked to stand up at church and share about my involvement with our small group (called house churches) and women’s ministries. Most eyes would be on me so naturally I wanted to make sure I looked good. I was thinking about what I should wear and hoping that my hair would cooperate. My curls tend to do what they want when they want.

I took a shower and washed and dried my hair. I was having a REALLY bad hair day. NO exaggeration whatsoever. So, I was semi-panicking about what I was going to look like at church. I was thinking that maybe I could wear a hat or perhaps by some miracle it would magically sit correctly or at worse I'd have to wear it in a ponytail - yuck. Some women can toss their hair in a ponytail and look adorable. My hair doesn’t toss into a ponytail, it needs to be corralled.

In the midst of my panic and search for a lasso, Jesus swooped in and smacked me back to reality a bit. He told me to stop trying to LOOK beautiful and actually try to BE beautiful. What? How the heck do you be that? The answer was simple - remember that I already AM beautiful therefore I can BE beautiful. It's an attitude not a set of clothing I put on or a hairstyle I have. So, yes, as a woman I am always going to think about what I'm wearing and what my hair looks like, etc. However, my value and beauty do not come from those things.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4

Tenacity

2008-02-22T15:06:00.002-05:00

That Oswald Chambers sure knows what he is talking about. He says this:

Tenacity is more than endurance, it is endurance combined with the absolute certainty that what we are looking for is going to transpire. Tenacity is more than hanging on, which may be but the weakness of being too afraid to fall off. Tenacity is the supreme effort of a man refusing to believe that his hero is going to be conquered.... If our hopes are being disappointed just now, it means that they are being purified. There is nothing noble the human mind has ever hoped for or dreamed of that will not be fulfilled. One of the greatest strains in life is the strain of waiting for God.

I feel that strain in this stage of my life. Although it is the strain of waiting for God, the words I would use to describe it and the words Jesus is inviting me to embrace are - letting go. Let go. Let go and wait for God. There is an outcome, a result to the letting go. It's not in vain. The outcome - purification.

Wait.
Let go.
Pure.

I may not like the process but I sure like the sound of the outcome.

Snow Day

2008-02-22T14:56:00.003-05:00

Currently outside my window there is snow and some freezing rain/sleet/wetness is currently falling from the sky. I know that I hate snow but there is something pure and beautiful about it. As I was outside cleaning off my car this morning I noticed there is just a peaceful silence that surrounds snowfall that seems to speak volumes. That is until some car goes whizzing by. But in that still moment there really is tremendous beauty.

I love that as I was brushing mountains of snow off my car, there was this bird chirping while sitting in a tree nearby. I'm sure it was freezing it's feathers off and saying what I have been saying since around January 12 - I'm so over winter. It was just a precious reminder that although winter is here and the harsh temperatures and weather will linger a while longer, spring is around the corner. The winter makes the spring that much more brilliant.

I had a similar experience with a bird about this time last year. There is a blog in my archive about that. It's funny how God uses repeated circumstances/situations in our lives to remind us of truth. Spring is coming. It is almost upon us. But if my eyes are solely focused on spring, I may miss those moments of pure, quiet beauty that only come in winter. Truth - they are easier to recognize when it's a snow day.

flashes

2008-02-12T19:46:00.000-05:00

Last night I had an odd dream. In part of it, I got caught using the men’s room. The scene, if you will, unfolded like this. The view I had was from the toilet looking out. So, I was looking at a closed stall door; at least I assume it was me. Next scene flashes and there is a gaping hole where the door is supposed to lock and a man is looking at me. I have no idea if I am clothed or not at this point. Remember the scene is from my point of view. I felt like the woman in the Southwest Airlines commercial – gotta get away? At least she was only trying to save her contact and not actually using the bathroom for bathroom purposes.

The next scene flashes and I am looking around the bathroom trying to figure out how I could have mistaken this for the ladies room. There weren’t any urinals in there, the classic men’s room fixture. There were, however, a row of small, normal looking public restroom toilets lining a wall with no doors on them. A modern urinal perhaps? At this point I said something out loud in the dream to the effect of – oh, so that’s why those toilets didn’t have doors on them. The guy responds with yeah or duh; can’t remember which. Next scene flashes and I am walking outside the bathroom and glance around for a men’s room sign but there isn’t one. I’m trying to get away out of embarrassment but everywhere I turn there is someone else who knows I was in the men’s room. Meanwhile there was only one other guy in there that I saw but whatever. Oh and no, I didn’t recognize his face at all.

The rest of the dream, at least the rest of what I remember, doesn’t seem to have anything to do with me in the men’s room incident so I won’t include that here. I can’t help but wonder, what in the world does that dream mean? I sure hope it’s not one of those ‘peek in to the future,’ possible later déjà vu moments where I will someday find myself using the men’s room.

All I do know is that I woke up with a giant headache. Being caught in the men’s room can do that to you.

Fabulousness

2008-02-05T20:02:00.000-05:00

I love the show Ugly Betty. A friend of mine gave me an Ugly Betty calendar for Christmas not only to commemorate our mutual love of the show but because of the students I work with on a daily basis. This month the character Marc is highlighted. There is the following exchange/quote listed on the page:

Betty says to Marc - You know what Marc, I learned something about family tonight....They're not always the ones who turn out to love you the most. Maybe it's more about the family you make for yourself. There's a lot of people who love you for who you are.

Marc responds - Okay, okay, getting a little too Lifetime Original Movie. But I get it. If she doesn't want me in her life, it's her loss. Because I'm freakin' fabulous.

This exchange speaks to me about many different things but the one I'll comment on is this, I am freakin' fabulous too.

I seem to have this mental/heart level/whatever it is kind of inability to remember that. I compare myself to others too often and naturally I fall short. God says I'm precious, loved, delightful etc but many days I doubt he was talking about me. The truth of the matter is I am who God says I am, no matter what anyone else thinks or says.

The truth of the matter is I am freakin' fabulous and there are a lot of people who love me for who I am. For that I am grateful.

Long Time No Blog

2008-02-04T21:59:00.001-05:00

I can't believe an entire month went by (well, more actually) since I last wrote a post. What did happen to January? Anyway, I am going to try to post more often. I think over the past month or so I've felt this pressure to have something creative, funny, meaningful etc. to say before I post. Rubbish I tell you. It's a lie; call it like it is. I want to write (it's kind of why I started this blog). So then by golly write I shall.

Random side note - has anyone noticed that the days are getting longer? On the train home tonight I looked out the window after exiting the tunnel and realized I could actually see out the train window. Usually I see nothing but myself looking back at me. Not anymore. Daylight is lingering, even if it's ever so slightly. That makes my bring on spring, give me summer, break out the flip-flops, sun-loving heart happy; very happy indeed. I don't care what Punxsutawney Phil (aka the groundhog) says. [oh yes my non-PA dwelling friends, the groundhog does have a name] Spring is near.

Cookie

2007-12-18T19:16:00.000-05:00

Too bad there is no sound with that title. When I wrote it, it sounded just like Cookie Monster.

I hosted a Cookie Exchange at my apartment Sunday. Friends baked six-ish dozen of one of their favorite holiday cookies and brought those with them. After nibbling on some snacks, drinking hot and cold beverages and catching up, we began the exchange. Each of us were able to pick a pre-determined amount of each others cookies to have as our own. In the end each of us walked away with an assortment of yummy holiday cookies and treats. Wanna come over for some cookies and milk…or tea…or coffee…

Some friends asked if this will be a yearly tradition. I sure hope so.

*Happy Anniversary to me! Two years ago yesterday I moved into my apartment in Philadelphia. Time certainly flies by.

Beauty in the Breakdown

2007-12-12T21:25:00.000-05:00

Lately God has been showing me a lot of different things. One of the things he has been showing me is how over the years I have built up some pretty high walls. As a result, my heart has become pretty callous about some things. Jesus is inviting me, once again, to allow those walls to be torn down and the calluses penetrated. It’s time.

One of the ways God has been showing me these things is through the sermons at church. This week, at the end of the sermon, our pastor JR asked us what Jesus is asking us to do. Good question. So, I asked him there in the service. The conversation went something like this:

D: Jesus, what are you asking me to do?

J: Let go.

D: What does that mean?

J: Let go.

D: Okay but how do I do that?

J: Let go.

I never said I wasn’t stubborn. After I realized that ‘let go’ is the answer to nearly every question I have been asking and actually heard Jesus’ words, a song immediately came into my mind. Until Sunday afternoon I had never really listened to any of the words. Now, strange as it may seem, these words are what I will need to hold onto in this process. Nearly every word applies. My equation – brokenness = ugliness. Who wants to be broken? But apparently, there is beauty in the breakdown. Something tells me I’m going to need to be reminded of that several times over the coming days.

Let Go by Frou Frou

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow
such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

DST Issues

2007-10-31T19:55:00.000-04:00

So, I'm a Rachael Ray fan. I admit it; I'm not afraid. I tape her daytime show every day. I admit that many times I'll fast forward through a large chunk of it, especially if what's for dinner is something I'd never make or she has a guest that I have no interest in or a segment that does not apply to me. But I do tape daily.

I came home on Monday from a very insane day of work. It was one of those where you feel like an entire week has passed in one day. I made some dinner and settled down to watch Monday's episode. I rewound my tape to the beginning, a very good place to start so I hear. I pushed play and suddenly on my screen is the show The View. Now in my market, The View comes on after RR. So, I hit stop (thinking maybe I had taped after RR a bit too far and didn't rewind the tape enough). My tape nearly immediately stopped and after pressing play again (just to be sure) realized there would be no RR for me. I kept thinking, I swear I set the VCR for the correct time (yes, I still use a VCR). So, I programmed RR for both Tuesday and Wednesday of this week. Since I have small group on Tuesdays, I knew I wouldn't be able to watch until Wednesday and wanted to not forget to tape Wednesday's episode. I checked and re-checked the times on the programming just to be sure.

I get to work this morning (Wednesday) and get an email from a co-worker regarding Daylight Savings Time and changing our clocks this weekend. There was a link so I clicked on the article and it hit me. That's why my VCR taped the wrong show. My VCR (and many people's electronic devices) is set for the old DST which was this past Sunday. (No wonder why the clock on my computer was wrong when I was on it on Monday night. I just assumed my computer was having an off night. It is getting old in computer years.)

So, you know what that means? My VCR taped two more episodes of The View on Tuesday and Wednesday this week and not one ounce of RR. Bummer. I missed some good stuff. Well, at least I assume I did. I guess I'll have to wait for repeats to come on this summer.

The moral of this story is, check your electronic equipment to make sure it has the correct time and don't forget to change your equipment again this Saturday night. Unless you're in AZ. Or parts of IN. Then you can just laugh at those of us who have these DST 'issues.'

Fummer or Sall

2007-10-20T13:53:00.001-04:00

It’s hard to know what to call this time of year. I mean this literal time of this literal year. It’s fall; the calendar tells me so, the shorter days tell me so, the leaves changing colors and falling from trees tell me so. Apparently the weather did not quite get the memo, at least not in my neck of the woods.

No, in my neck of the woods summer is holding on. Temperatures have tied, broken or come ridiculously close to records. The humidity was so thick yesterday that every curl on my head was a big frizzy mess and my skin felt wet. Okay, so the fact that it rained yesterday didn’t help that. The Philadelphia area is on track to not just break but demolish the heat record set during this month back in 1971. I wasn’t even born in 1971. That year the average temp in October was 6 point-something degrees higher than normal. This year we are on track for 8 point-something degrees higher than normal and there are still nearly 2 weeks left in the month. Apparently this is a big deal since the weather guy had all sorts of graphics about it yesterday. Monday temps are supposed to hit 80+ degrees.

Am I complaining about this? Not me. This thinned out blood from her years in Arizona girl is quite enjoying the warmer temps. Yes, it’s hard to figure out what to wear each day; especially when you went ahead and put most of your summer clothes away and took out the fall and winter pieces during the first cold spell (okay official fall weather) that we had. But complaining I am not.

It’s just weird that it’s dark in the mornings and the sun is setting earlier yet the temps are calling for barbeques and lazy nights on the porch. The thing that makes me a bit nervous (slightly too strong of an emotion but I was in need of a word) is we may just skip fall temps all together and be thrown into the dreaded cold of winter. I shudder at the thought. My thin blood needs a transition.

I have a love-hate relationship with fall. I love the slightly cooler temps (in a normal fall), the chance to wear boots and light sweaters, the lower humidity, the leaves changing colors, apple cider, homemade apple sauce, and baking again since I hate to put the oven on in the summer among many other things. But I know that winter is just around the corner. That thought makes me dread this time of year.

This year I get to hold on a bit longer to the warm temperatures. My butt and hips will enjoy the lack of baked goods and my taste buds will enjoy it all the more in a short while. For now, I’m going to try to live in the present. I’m going to try to enjoy this time of year for as long as it’s around. I’ll try to get the most out of the rest of this fummer or sall season.

Spiritual Lessons on the Road

2007-10-10T19:08:00.000-04:00

I was recently driving back to Philly from NJ. I traveled a different route home because I started out from a different location. My mapquest directions and I began the journey. Early on I was quite familiar with the roads. Once I got past a certain point I was in unexplored territory as far as I was concerned. It was a very pretty drive over a lot of farm land (yes, NJ has farmland) and some of the leaves were beginning to change colors.

I reached a certain point in my journey where the road changes names but the route number stays the same. I went through a toll booth, found the route number I needed and continued driving. Several hundred feet later I had a brief moment of panic. I hadn’t yet seen a sign confirming I was in fact on the correct numbered road. The new street name was not mentioned in my directions (that became a distraction). I’m in the middle of literally God only knows where. Uh-oh.

I had a spiritual lesson or moment then. I knew that I was on the right road but for some reason I got a small sense of panic and when I let it in, it grew. I knew I was on the right road, but I wanted to see the route number sign so that I could have it confirmed. Isn’t that like our life journey though? We know we are on the right road, the right journey toward God; but sometimes we just want or we just need to be reminded and encouraged. We need to have our journey road confirmed in some way.

I think we all need to be encouraged along our journey. A little while later I saw that number that I needed; the number that assured me that I was in fact on the correct road and there was no need to panic.

I pray we all have someone or someones in our life who can encourage us along the way and let us know that we are in fact on the right road. I also pray that our eyes are open for those people and for those signs. I’d hate for us to miss them because we are too busy being distracted.

a day in The City with mom

2007-10-10T18:03:00.000-04:00

My mom and I went into New York City to try to see the Rachael Ray Show. No, we didn’t have tickets; we were trying for stand-by seats. We got up early and my step-dad drove us to the train station. We took the nearly 1 hour ride into the city and then walked a whole heck of a lot further to the studio than we had originally anticipated needing to walk. Yes, we could have taken a cab but we were women on a mission.

We arrived and saw a line forming outside the “Audience Entrance” sign. I went inside the studio entryway beside the sign to make sure we were in fact in the correct place. I was informed by a nice security guy that we in fact were. For stand-by tickets we needed to wait in line and someone with a headset would eventually come out and tell us what to do. Check. It’s off to the line we go. As I’m about to walk outside he tells me that which I already know – it’s hard to get stand-by tickets to RR. I smiled and said, ‘I know, thanks.’ But what I was thinking to add to that is, ‘but you don’t know my God.’ I just never said it out loud.

Mom and I stood in line for about 65 minutes or so listening to the people around us chat about some ridiculous stuff. All the people around us had tickets. We had hope. I kept thinking how wrong it was that some of the people around me who aren’t even fans (or fair weathered ones at best) were going to get in and I might not. One woman in front kept saying things about RR like, ‘I didn’t know she lived in the city.’ In my head I responded – she lives in the Village and has a house in the Adirondacks; she and John are also currently considering a summer home in the Hamptons. Anything else you’d like to know about her? Some people. Instead I just held my tongue.

Finally after what felt like years the woman with the headset came out. She walked past us and was kind of counting/looking for passes. I scooted to the side and asked if we were in the right line for stand-by tickets. After all that time waiting, I didn’t want to get left behind. Her words to me were, ‘I’m going to let you stay right here.’ Hope meter skyrocketed. I figured we’d flash our government issued id as required and walk right in. Headset lady started at the back of the line and started pulling people out of line to go on ahead of the rest of us and get inside. We found out they were considered VIPs. Hey, I’m a VIP too! Rachael may not know it yet but I surely am.

Headset lady got to us and asked for my last name. I told her we weren’t on the list and were hoping for stand-by tickets. Good grief, some people forget faces so easily. :-) She told us to come out of line and walk up to the other woman with the headset and she’d help us. Heart is pounding at this moment. Could it be? Are we going to get in? My mom and I walk confidently up to headset lady II and she asks for our name. Rats. Again I explain how we are hoping for stand-by seats. She tells us to stand to the side. I get up against the wall and headset lady II comes over and drops the bomb – there are no standby seats left. What????!!!!! After all that? No seats? Hey, I’m a VIP too. I guess my V or I just aren’t big enough.

So, mom and I did what nearly every other woman would have done in that situation. We stormed the doors and ran inside. Just kidding. We went shopping. We weren’t going to waste a trip into NYC.

As far as the RR show goes, I’ll try again. One of these days I’m getting in to see the show. I’m still holding my hope. Better yet, maybe one day I’ll be ON the show. Look for me on a tv near you. I’ll be back Rachael; I’ll be back.

Caedmon's Call says it all.

2007-10-07T18:55:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I can't figure out how to describe how I feel. I can't figure out what to say (or write on this blog) and so I say nothing. Then I hear a song that says what I think. It says what I'm feeling.

Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And every day I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind

I hear it all depends on my faith
So I'm feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries
Is they're so mysterious

And like a consumer I've been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my 15 minutes of faith,
Then I'd be secure

(Chorus)
My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

I've begged you for some proof
For my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leprous hand
And lions resting lazily

A glimpse of your back-side glory
And this soaked altar going ablaze
But you know I've seen so much
I explained it away

Chorus

Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It'd been there all the time

A New Motto

2007-09-19T17:59:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I attended the Women of Faith conference here in Philly with women from church. It was good to meet other women in my church, to worship with an arena full of women, to laugh until I cried and to hear from Jesus. It really was a beautiful weekend.

The theme of the weekend was Amazing Freedom. Boy do we need to remember that we have that. On Friday night God remind me of the theme of dance in my life through the spunky and powerful Patsy Clairmont. It was so good to be reminded of that. Then Saturday afternoon, as Luci Swindoll shared of her story, God spoke directly to me. It didn't matter that there were thousands of women in attendance. Her words, God's words, were for me.

As Luci shared of her first job with Mobil Oil company she talked about how much she hated it. She didn't like the people she worked with nor the job itself. As she was driving home from work one night she was praying. She was complaining to God about the job and about the horrible people. Complaining, complaining, complaining nearly the whole way home. Suddenly she felt God speaking to her. He told her to just 'show up, shut up, and let go.' She embraced that phrase and the next day at work immediately began to see people differently and act differently. Three weeks later her boss called her in and gave her a promotion. That promotion led her to travel and start writing books (two of her great loves). She talked about how she would never have been able to do the work in that next job, nor even the work she does now, without having learned the skills she did in that first job.

That phrase spoke directly to me and my heart. It doesn't apply just to aspects of my job but also to other areas of my life. Now I, too, am trying to adopt that phrase as my new motto. Help hold me accountable to that; that I would...

Show up, shut up, and let go!!!

Will You?

2007-08-29T17:57:00.000-04:00

Will You?

Will you live without a manual?
Will you dance without knowing the steps?
Will you humble yourself on the mountaintop
And stand tall at the bottom of the valley?
Will you?

Will you choose to accept that I love you deeply?
Will you believe when I say I’m pleased with you?
Will you hold onto hope in the struggles
And let go of control in the storms?
Will you?

Will you walk in faith and not stand in fear?
Will you dream the dreams I have for you?
Will you come and be near me when I call
And go and be obedient when I ask?
Will you?

Will you open the dark places of your heart?
Will you let me breathe life back into your dry bones?
Will you lead others to my light
And follow those who’ve gone before?
Will you?

Will you believe in spite of?
Will you love anyway?
Will you give all of you to me
And take all of me for you?
Will you?

Will you?

Questions

2007-08-23T22:37:00.000-04:00

I came across this quote by poet Rainer Maria Rilke. It says,

Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves…. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer.

I feel like I have so many questions. It's funny; I really like to ask questions so it shouldn't be a surprise that I have so many. But it still throws me at times. I get so caught up in wanting to find the answer, wanting to figure out the why. Usually it just leaves me frustrated and with more questions. So, instead, perhaps i need to try to love the question itself. Not just try to love it but also live it. Yeah, I don't know how to do that either. So basically I'm asking - how do I do that? Isn't that another question though? See the cycle?

I need to recognize that there are things that remain unsolved in my heart. I need to try (thank God is does not say to have it all figured out) to love the question itself. I need to live the question. Then maybe, just maybe, I will find myself experiencing the answer. That's what I should hope for - to experience the answer and not just to find it. Something tells me that not only will the answer be more powerful that way but that I might actually remember it later.

2007-08-13T14:59:00.000-04:00

Things are pretty, graceful, rich, elegant, but, until they speak to the imagination, not yet beautiful.

That's a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. I saw it in an ad and I just really, really like it. Although, I'd actually want to tweek it a bit. I think I'd say - until they speak to the heart they are not yet beautiful.

Going Down

2007-08-04T16:36:00.000-04:00

Thursday was a slightly different day. I put on a black skirt and a new top (which I love and is actually pretty hip), my hair seemed to be working (which in the humidity of the east rarely ever does) and I was feeling pretty good. That rarely happens in my world. As I got to the train station and exited the train, I got a few second glances from some guys in the station. As I'm sure women will agree, that can be a confidence boost – especially when that is something that doesn't always happen to you. I even smiled and thought to myself – I look pretty good today.

It didn't take 20 steps from that moment for me to no longer be quite so cute. I started climbing the stairs to exit the station and on about the 3 ^rd or 4^th step up, I tripped. Down goes my bag, down goes my purse, and down goes I. Next thing I know I am nearly sprawled out on the steps of Suburban Station.

I look up and of course the station full of people are all looking directly at me. Not a single, solitary person stops to ask if I am okay. Not one. They are all looking at me, but no one says anything. Trust me, you could NOT have missed what just happened.

For anyone who has ever had an embarrassing moment such as this you know that your adrenaline starts pumping a bit. So, I pick myself up, gather up my bag and purse and begin to once again climb the stairs. At this point I can not remain silent. Call it being embarrassed, call it being from Jersey and being half Italian; call it whatever you like but I needed to let everyone know. I brushed myself off, raised my hand in the air and out loud said – I'm fine, thanks everyone for asking. As we all continued walking up the stairs people starting giggling. I, however, was not.

I was so mad. Mad at myself for tripping up the stairs. Who does that? Okay, aside from me. This is now my second time tripping up the very same stairs. (If I haven't already told you my herbal essences man story you'll have to ask me about that one.) You'd think I'd learn by now. I was mad at the people for laughing at me and not asking if I was okay. I was mad.

After getting out of the station, into the humid, August heat, and several blocks away from the station I could chuckle. A few times I flat out laughed. As I got to work I couldn't help but think – even if tripping and sprawling across the stairs is anything but graceful, at least I did it in cute clothes. That thought got the biggest laugh of all.

Run Forrest, Run

2007-08-01T21:43:00.000-04:00

Last night I went to see a free movie with two crazy friends. I got free passes from a woman at work to go see Becoming Jane. I went with two friends, both named Andrea. It reminded me of that old Bob Newhart show – this is my friend Andrea and my other friend Andrea. Please tell me I'm not the only one old enough to remember that show or to know what I'm talking about? Anyway….

We had quite an adventure getting home. The movie let out at 9:30pm nearly on the dot. After what felt like being herded out of the theater, we made a bee-line for the train station. We had approximately 12 blocks to cover in about 13 minutes. We started walking, then walking fast then jogging to all out running. Mind you all three of us were in flip-flops and skirts. Do you have that mental picture? Moving on…..

We ran past this large group of older people (most I saw as I was running by had grey hair or at least nearly grey) who were enjoying the end of their meal sitting outside a café/restaurant. As we drove by we heard some cheering and saw this grey (nearly white) haired gentleman holding a white napkin up in the air. What the? Since I felt like we were being made fun of by those at the table I said aloud – yes we are training for a marathon – trying to bring some humor. I didn't think I said it loudly. As we ran by the buy brought the napkin down and screamed something inaudible and the table cheered. He was pretending we just ran through the finish line. At this point I am now cracking up because I found that to be pretty funny. I guess that's why one would crack up at something. Okay….

We had some trouble finding an open entrance into the train station. Would two Andreas and a Dawn make it to the train on time? The answer….not so much. Missed it by about 2 minutes. What a bummer. All that running, all that sweating for nothing but a fun memory and a great story. Oh well, can't have it all. We walked a few blocks to take the bus instead rather than wait for the next train which would be an hour later. I only got home maybe about 10 minutes before the later train would have arrived though (and 2 hours after the movie ended). Oh well….

How was the movie you ask? I enjoyed it. I wonder how much of it is actually the way it happened and how much is 'creative license.' Can't exactly ask Jane Austin. I had a hard time with the ending. Not that I didn't like the way the story ended; I didn't like the way the end of the story was portrayed on the screen. I don't want to ruin it for anyone who may go see it, so if you want to know more you'll have to ask. Until then….

2007-07-20T13:50:00.000-04:00

I have been taking a craft class for a few months now. Usually, I'm not very good. Seriously, I'm not being self-depracating or fishing for compliments or anything. I am not craft inclined. I can scrapbook and I can cook; those are my two crafty or creative outlets. My work in class usually leaves a lot to be desired.

This week that all changed. I am so incredibly proud of my craft project this week. We made light plates (you know those plates that protect all the electrical outlets). Mine not only looks good but it almost looks kind of professional. I am just so proud that I had to share my accomplishment.

One Stitch, Two Stitch….In My Head

2007-07-11T20:52:00.000-04:00

I currently have stitches in my head, in two different places actually. I am also currently bleeding from the head. Now that can’t be good. Let me break it down a bit.

I went to the dermatologist today. Lately my scalp has been acting up. It’s embarrassing. So, after trying lots of over the counter stuff to see if it would help, I decided to go to the doctor. The dermatologist came in, asked me what brought me in, glanced at my head (no kidding, glanced) and then said she wanted to take a swab of my scalp and send it to the lab. Okay, I’ve had swabs taken before. You know, a q-tip looking utensil is scrapped across whatever and voila, a swab has been taken. Turns out, this swab…not so much like what I just described.

The doctor leaves and says her assistant will come in to get started. Okay, no biggie. So, the assistant tells me that the worst part of the process is the numbing….she’ll be using a needle. Excuse me? A what? For a swab?

Incoming.

The assistant told me to prepare – there would be a “pinch and a burn” then proceeded to tell me when she was sticking the needle in my head and that I’d feel the burn. Oh yeah, felt the pinch and the burn. Then she went and did that on another part of my head. Pinch and burn. Then….she’s gone. I swear I felt like I was having an out of body experience. Was any of this really happening? I didn’t ask for you to stab my head with a needle.

The doctor comes back in and she literally scrapes away a part of my scalp. No, I’m not exaggerating. She scrapes one side, then the other. At this point I’m feeling a bit odd. The doctor asks if I feel like I’m going to pass out. Mmm, not quite…but I do feel like my head is a bit fuzzy (said like Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail). At this point she has started to sew me back up. Just the oddest feeling. She asks again if I feel like I’m going to pass out and I said no but I was thinking about my head being sewed up. She suggested we change the subject and asked if I had lunch. So, I figured she was trying to get me to talk. I told her a little about my lunch. Turns out she wasn’t interested in conversation; she only wanted to make sure that I had eaten. Turns out if you eat, the chances of passing out while your head is being stitched up are minimal. Good to know.

I can’t even tell you how weird it is to touch your head and not feel a thing. That just doesn’t seem right. There really are no words to describe what it feels like. I hope you never have to know. I can only imagine what it will feel like when it starts to itch and I can feel it.

So, now I have stitches in my head that I have to put Neosporin on every day, yummy clumps of blood all around it and a headache. This is why I hate going to the doctor – you go in with a simple question and come out with a load of prescriptions, tests that were run that you’re not even sure your insurance will cover and pieces of your head missing. Okay, so that last one doesn’t always happen but any time it does just isn’t right.

Do you think stitches in the head qualify me for a sick day? I go back in two weeks to see the results from my swab aka the cutting open of my scalp. Can’t wait to hear what the results are. Let's hope she doesn't have to run more tests.

Offensive?

2007-07-08T20:18:00.000-04:00

Today in church we had a guest preacher. Craig Gross, who is a youth pastor in Chicago, spoke. He is one of the founders of xxxchurch.com - the #1 Christian porn site. What a story this guy has. He shared a great message and an amazing testimony of God's love and heart for people. There are so many things I could write about what Craig spoke about today, so many stories I could tell. I'll stick with one for this post. For others, you can check out their website.

What these guys started out to do was to get people to start talking about porn and the addiction it can become and how it affects lives and families. They (Craig and his friend who had the idea together) decided to launch the website. They decided they needed to advertise so they felt led to go to the porn convention that happened every year in Vegas. To make a long story short, the coordinators of the convention loved these guys so much they invited them back the following year. They've been there 5 years running and will hit 4 conventions total this year - since the industry has exploded so much.

Side note - did you know that the porn industry pulls in more money than the NFL, NHL, MLB and NBA combined? That's crazy.

Anyway, they had to create some sort of booth for the convention. So, they came up with the tagline "Jesus loves porn stars." They have t-shirts and they also decided to give away Bibles at the convention. They are New Testament Bibles with a cover that reads "Jesus loves porn stars." It's true - he loves them as much as he loves pastors, and children, and teachers, and....

Craig told story after story of conversations he's had with people in the industry and story after story of God being at work. At one point he made a reference to some of the super conservative Christians that are out there. I couldn't help but think if they are offended by their tagline and logo that 'Jesus loves porn stars.' I can just hear it now - that just promotes their lifestyle. Telling them about Jesus' love without telling them about his hatred of their sin is...well...sinful. I just couldn't help but wonder if they are supported by other prominent believers.

Every year so far they have run out of Bibles before the end of the convention. Craig and his friends don't lie about what they are offering. They are clear that the book you are about to pick up from the table is a Bible. People take it anyway. He said every year they look through the trash and not one Bible is thrown away. Of course he joked that people are afraid to throw the Bible away because it's bad luck and no one really wants to mess with God. So, some people do put the Bible on top of the trash can so they didn't really throw it away. We got a laugh at that but those that were left on top of the can end up going to someone else who decided to take a Bible home with them.

God's word is powerful. It can break the addiction. It can set the sinner free. You know, Jesus really does love porn stars.

For It's 1, 2, 3 Strikes You're Out...

2007-07-02T20:22:00.000-04:00

My mom and Bob were in town visiting this past weekend. On Saturday we went to see the Phillies play the Mets. Although I grew up a Yankees fan and technically now that I live in Philly I'm "supposed" to be a Phillies fan, it was fun to see the Mets win. What a crowd. We ended up in the Mets section - or at least it seemed like it. Hearing their chants - so fun. Phillies fans are crazy too. The mascot is called the Phanatic if that says anything about the fans here. If only I lived my Christian life with the passion that either team's fans have. Of course, for many of them, the libations are helpful in increasing their passion. Alas, I digress.

Tim McGraw threw out the first pitch. He and Faith Hill were in concert right next door that night so he was in town already. Seemed only fitting since his dad Tug McGraw was a Philly. It was fun to have someone I 'know' throw out the first pitch. Personally I would have loved to play the role of catcher or even ball girl who got to bring him the baseball to throw but whatever. I know, can't always get what you want.

On Sunday the three of us went to one of my favorite places in all of Philadelphia - the Italian Market. Basically it's an open market with local farmers selling fresh fruits and veggies. There are also many butchers, fish markets, gourmet markets, cheeses, coffees and restaurants down there as well. I just love it. We ate lunch down in a section of Philly called Old City. We walked down to the water and got to eat ice cream. The weather both days was absolutely beautiful - really couldn't have asked for better - so we wanted to take advantage.

Times like this weekend make me grateful I moved back east to be closer to my family. They truly are a joy to be around. They are a gift.

Screaming from Inside

2007-06-24T14:53:00.000-04:00

My friend Katie Sue gave me a copy of Jill Phillips' self-titled CD a while back. If you've never heard of Jill Phillips I encourage you to look into this cd. It's really good. Although there are many songs on the album that I find poignant, I keep coming back to one in particular. I heard it again this week on my ipod as I was walking to work from the train station. It describes my current state and answers the question of how am I better then I can articulate. Here are the lyrics to the song "Live By the Sword":

I don’t see why I don’t see what bothers me
And I don’t know why I don’t know won’t let me go
I should have listened to myself when I had it down
This dose of my own medicine is too big to swallow now
This is the time when I find what’s inside of me
This is the time when I decide what I believe

CHORUS:
If I want to be real in this world
The I have to realize
If I am going to live by the sword
I'm gonna have to die by the sword

It’s easy to be calm when there’s no crashing tide
It’s easy to be quiet when it’s loud outside
It’s easy to be humble when you’re glorified
But now I’m out here on my own and screaming from inside

This is the time when I find what’s inside of me
This is the time when I decide what I believe

CHORUS

You stripped me down to basics
You left my heart exposed
There is no pride in times like this
No one said it was easy
No one said it was fair
But nobody’s happy when it is

Lord, I need your loving arms to carry me
When I look in the mirror and don’t like what I see
I know you know what I desire to do
So help me follow even when it’s not easy to

CHORUS

Shoeless Dawn

2007-06-09T09:43:00.000-04:00

Normally when I commute by train I will wear flip-flops, Teva sandals, sneakers or some other type of easily walkable footwear (obviously my choice varies by season and weather). I'll put my sandals or heals on when I get to the office. On Thursday I was at an afternoon meeting that ran late. When it was finally over I bolted out of the meeting (leaving my jacket behind that a co-worker graciously picked up for me) to catch my train. Since the meeting ran late, I did not have enough time to change shoes so I was left to walk in my slip on sandals.

These sandals are actually quite comfortable and I have no problem walking in them for long distances. However speed and slip on do not mesh. I inadvertently lost my shoe at least twice on my walk to the train. As I stepped forward, off came my shoe and down came my heel on the pavement. That felt good.

I managed to walk up the stairs to my platform as my train was just stopping to load passengers. I sat and read my book and was grateful to have caught my train. Once near my stop, I waited in the aisle along with the other passengers. I was about 5 people deep.

As I was exiting the train, I was completely distracted by the guy in front of me. As I got to the last step, off came my shoe once again. This time, however, it didn't just fall off. It fell UNDER the train. Good times. So, I had to hold up the line and sort of climb under the train (in a skirt nonetheless) to retrieve my shoe. Now that was fun.

I'm glad I could provide dinnertime conversation for people that evening. 'Honey, you gotta listen to this. There was this woman getting off the train….'

Good Times

2007-06-05T19:25:00.001-04:00

I had to stop at the grocery store on my way home to pick up a few things. For some reason (although I probably already know) I was frustrated as I pulled in to the parking lot. There were two spots that I saw and as I turned to head into one I saw that there was a shopping cart blocking the way. So, I maneuvered around it and managed to park next to it and not hit it with my door as I got out.

In my moment of total frustration I decided to push the cart out of the way (in theory I was making room so someone else could park next to me). I charged toward the cart, put my hands on the handle and ran directly into the cart bar with my shin.

Newton's law of motion - the one where an object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by an outside source - you know that law is true? My body (my shin especially) stayed in motion until it was acted upon by an outside force of a broken shopping cart. I knew that was going to leave a mark.

I now have this beautiful, already colorful, fairly large bump on my shin. It's almost as if the side of one of those small bouncy balls is sticking out of my leg. It's pretty and will only get prettier as the colors change and time goes on.

Yup, that cleared up my frustration.

Shopping cart 1 Dawn 0

Flash?

2007-06-05T19:14:00.000-04:00

Today I wore this pretty, flowy skirt to work. The weather outlook made my choice seem reasonable. As is the case for most of the country during the summer months, there were some isolated or scattered storms blowing through the area. That happened to kick up the wind a bit as the afternoon wore on.

Fast forward to my leaving work. The wind, although not crazy strong by any means, seemed to be whipping especially around the part of campus I call the wind tunnel. Let me paint the picture for you:

wind + flowy skirt = Marilyn Monroe moment

I turned the corner near my building and this blast of wind decided to blow from the south (if you know what I mean). I quickly grabbed my skirt as quickly as I could and held it down for most of the rest of my walk to the train station. I didn't officially flash as far as I know. But then again, Marilyn didn't quite either in that famous picture.

2007-05-28T18:32:00.000-04:00

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." (CS Lewis)

As I was driving back to Philly today and sort of processing the past two weeks I happened to be listening to a Christian radio station out of the NY/NJ area. I don't remember the song that was on but it was talking about God (shocker that a Christian radio station would have a song about God) and believing in him. Something sort of hit me - it's not that I doubt my belief in God. I know that I believe in him. Sometimes I doubt that he believes in me. Lately I tend to put too much stock into my circumstances and allow them to be the lens through which I view everything, especially God. My circumstances lead me to believe that God can't possibly believe in me. What hit me is - what if he does. What if my current circumstances are a part of the process of God doing the best for me? What if this is just a time of pain? What if I'm in the valley of the shadow of death (or something that feels like it at times) and the quiet waters and green pasture are just up ahead?

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." (CS Lewis)

CS Lewis was one insightful guy.

Vacation

2007-05-12T11:30:00.000-04:00

Free at last; Thank God almighty I am free at last!

I am now officially on vacation for the next two, count them one...two, weeks. Can you tell I am a bit excited about that fact? No need to answer.

I will be adding a new state to my list of states I've visited. Washington will be added when I head to Seattle on Tuesday. I hope to see the sites, spend time with friends, eat too much, stay up too late and laugh until I cry. Sounds like a great time to me.

I'll end my trip in Phoenix visiting my dad and relaxing by the pool. I will get some much needed rest there along with some much needed time with a dear friend. Since my dad is 'sick' I want to spend some time with him. Bring on the sun. I'm sure I'll also eat too much there too. Is there any other way to spend vacation?

I hope to come home full, not only on good food but also emotionally and spiritually from time with friends and family. It wouldn't hurt to come home tan too.

I Have a Pet Peeve

2007-05-05T16:49:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I probably have many. This, however, is the only one I'll share. For now.

I don't know what it is with Philly but so many people smoke. Now you, smoker person, have as much 'right' to smoke as I have to breathe clear air. Seems you, however, are always at an advantage.

My pet peeve is not that people smoke. My pet peeve is people who smoke and walk at the same time. Ah, it's SO annoying. It's one thing to walk outside and a smoker is standing there. I can usually walk away and be fine. However, when you walk and smoke at the same time there is no escape. It doesn't matter if I walk in front of you or behind you (although behind is way worse), I can still smell that disgusting smoke.

All you smokers, would you kindly give us non-smokers a break and stand still when you contaminate your lungs. I'd like to keep my lungs as clean as possible. The urban air is enough of a hazard.

To Be Seen

2007-04-29T21:08:00.000-04:00

"I gotta go make sure Owen's alright. But when I get back, I want to see you, Janet; really see you. Will you let me do that?"

Ah; what a line. It's from October Road. It's what the character Eddie says to Janet. He's got a few good lines right before it and she has a great answer after it. Yeah, I know it's tv and I know that someone (probably a woman) wrote the line above; but what a line.

I want that. To be seen. It's what I crave and what makes me scared out of my mind all at the same time. Funny how that happens.

I need your grace to remind me to find my own.

Perspective

2007-04-18T20:57:00.000-04:00

I was traveling to work on Monday and was sort of creating a blog entry in my mind. I would write about having to clean snow off my car again, how thunder was clapping as the snow was falling in a weird spring meets winter way, sitting in wet pants on the train, the flooding and the damage that all the rain before the snow had brought, etc. I was witty in the blog in my mind; an award in the making.

Then I clicked on cnn.com while at work and suddenly the snow, rain, wet pants and whatever else I was going to convey just didn't seem to matter quite so much. Unthinkable tragedy. Stunned silence.

There have been students I have interacted with in one capacity or another (even if it was just via a story being told to me) who we have recommended to counseling. Depression is rampant in our culture and our young people like at no other time. I see it almost every day in the students on campus; I feel it in my own life at times. It's just unreal.

Hind site is always 20-20. People, the media especially, will 'woulda, coulda, shoulda' this to death in the days/weeks to come. Blame will be tossed around like pennies into a fountain. Many will carry guilt with them and some forever. Some will be haunted by images and sounds every time they close their eyes.

In spite of many of my feelings about and toward the VT Administration, the Police and the gunman himself, I can't help but think of his family. They lost a son, a brother that day. They, too, grieve and mourn a loss so profound. They carry a burden and a guilt that I can not begin to imagine. Then to see your son's final video broadcast on national news (I've got a lot to say about that - perhaps another time). The pictures and images will haunt them as well. I can't help but think that the young man so troubled and in my opinion possessed, who unleashed an eerily calculated fury on that day was once a little boy. He ran, giggled, and played. He dreamed of being someone and doing something. What happened? Where did things go so very wrong? I just can't help but think of his family and the loss they feel.

Some how this extended winter weather (how reliable can a groundhog be anyway) just doesn't seem so significant.

A work in progress

2007-04-11T19:33:00.000-04:00

See Me Beautiful

I see me broken.
You see me beautiful.

I see me broken.
I see every mistake;
I feel every failure;
I know every weakness;
I sense every flaw.
Yet, you see me beautiful.

I see me broken.
I see my shortcomings;
I question my value;
I carry my fear;
I doubt my worth.
Yet, you see me beautiful.

I see me broken.
You see me beautiful.
May my eyes see me as You see me;
I see me broken.
May I see me beautiful.

A moment with robin

2007-03-17T15:06:00.000-04:00

In all we got about 4-6 inches of sleet in this storm. Well, do you know what happens to sleet when it's cold? Yeah, it freezes. Fun times. I looked outside my window this morning when I woke up and saw the funniest thing. Some guy couldn't get his door open - it froze shut. So, he took one of those garden shovels, you know the kind that you see in all those movies that people use to smack someone upside the head? He was using that to try to pry his car door open. Too funny. Of course his scrapper was inside his car (as it is for us all) and he couldn't get that unless he got in the car.

I'm glad that I did clear my car off as much as I did yesterday when I got home from work because it made today a lot easier. I went out while the sun was still out. Luckily the sun did a lot of the work for me. I brought my shovel out and tried to dig around my tires. That wasn't happening. All of a sudden I hear the beeping (or squeeking) of someone trying to unlock their car doors with a remote. I look around and no one is there. "That's obnoxious" I said outloud to no one in particular as I thought it was just some person trying to scare me when I realized it was the car parked next to mine. Suddenly, the car starts. Mind you, NO ONE is IN the car at this point. That got another comment with me with a twist - "that's really obnoxious" came out of my mouth, once again to no one in particular. I've only seen those remote starter things on tv or in advertisements. I can vouch that they work.

I'm getting ready to head back inside (you can only try for so long to remove ice from next to your tires that doesn't want to move) and I look up to see a robin standing on the snow looking straight at me. I couldn't help but smile because I know the bird and I were thinking the same thing. Didn't we just have spring this week? Where did it go?

I walked back inside and looked out my window to see if the phantom car owner had actually come out or not and I saw the robin standing in front of my front driver's side tire just looking around. It was almost like it was asking, where did she go? (you know we had a moment earlier). Again I smiled as I was reminded that Spring is indeed around the corner. The snow will melt, the flowers will bloom and the birds will sing.

I am so excited for Spring.

March Madness

2007-03-16T15:54:00.000-04:00

Beware the ides of March....

Yesterday here in Philly it was 70 degrees. Today here in Philly it's about 40+ degrees less than that AND there is a combination of ice, slush and snow falling from the skies. What a difference a day makes.

I left work early today; my whole office did. I am glad I got out when I did because the roads are horrible. It's so slick and so slippery out there. I decided I should clear off my whole car when I got home to my apartment (and not just my rear and front windows as I did before leaving the train station lot). I figured it's only going to get worse so lets get some off the car now. There is nothing like getting pelted in the face by blowing ice that is falling from the sky. Feels good. Talk about a smack in the face.

Then I came inside and did what my mom would have done for me as a kid after spending time outside in the cold and snow. I made a cup of hot chocolate. Yummo. I even had marshmallows in the freezer (makes them last longer) that I put in it. It's fun being a kid at any age.

The other type of March madness in my life now is basketball. Oh well, got off work early giving me more time to knit in front of the tv while watching basketball. Sounds good to me.

I am woman...

2007-03-14T20:38:00.001-04:00

I am reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge. This is my second time reading it and it is just a fabulous book. If you haven't read it, you should consider it. You won't regret it.

There is a section that I read on the train on the way home that hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought I'd share it.

"Most of you thought the things that have happened to you were somehow your fault - that you deserved it. If only you had been prettier or smarter or done more or pleased them, somehow it wouldn't have happened. You would have been loved. They wouldn't have hurt you. And most of you are living with the guilt that somehow it's your fault you aren't more deeply pursued now. That you do not have an essential role in a great adventure. That you have no beauty to unveil. The message of our wounds nearly always is, 'this is because of you. This is what you deserve.' It changes things to realize that, no, it is because you are glorious that these things happened. It is because you are a major threat to the kingdom of darkness. Because you uniquely carry the glory of God to the world. You are hated (by the enemy) because of your beauty and power."

Not so easy to believe but words that I need to let sink in.

"You really won't understand your life as a woman until you understand this:

You are passionately loved by the God of the universe.
You are passionately hated by his Enemy."

That's a bit powerful. Defenitely going to need more time to soak in that.

A Timely Word

2007-03-05T18:29:00.000-05:00

Proverbs 15:23 says "how good is a timely word." The writer was so very true about that one. As was the writer who wrote Proverbs 12:25 which says "an anxious heart weighs a man down but a kind word cheers him up."

Today I had an anxious heart. I even wrote a confession email about it to a friend. I had a conversation not too long after I wrote that email that was both timely and the kind word I needed.

On my way to the bathroom I ran into one of our facilities workers. She is in her 70's and is such a grandma type – she is as sweet as they come and a really hard worker. We chatted for a few minutes and she complimented my sweater that I said I got from my mom. In our conversation about moms and daughters she said the sweetest thing. She told me that I am a nice person, I have a good personality and she loves me. Ah, melt my heart. I told her how much joy she brings to my life each day that I get to see her and said that I love her too, which I do.

Considering all the negative talk I have been given while working in this job and the anxious state of my heart, her words did cheer me up. No my anxiety is not all gone, but I was definitely lifted up.

So I Think I Can Dance

2007-03-03T13:18:00.000-05:00

When I was at the Mother Ship (the apartment complex that manages my complex and has a Club House) for the knitting class on Tuesday I found out that someone is teaching a hip-hop/jazz dance class. You have no idea how excited that made me.

So, I went Thursday night for my first class. How much stinkin' fun did I have? So much. I forgot how much I love dance classes and creating routines. Ah, joy to my heart and life to my feet. It also brought pain to my back and thighs but oh well. Nothing a little aspirin, heating pad or Therma-Care can't fix.

I realized how out of shape I have become. I haven't exercised since the weather has turned cold. I'm paying for it now, but hopefully between this class and the warmer weather (hey, it's bound to get here at some point) hopefully I'll be back in shape soon. Or at least enough shape where my body doesn't hurt the next day after a class. It's one pain that I am okay with having.

I'm a knitter by Tuesday and a hip-hopper (wannabe) by Thursday. Sounds like a good mix to me.

One Stitch, Two Stitch...

2007-02-28T20:31:00.000-05:00

I have always wanted to learn how to knit. I never thought I'd get my first lesson in a bar surrounded by people playing poker and drinking beer.

My apartment complex is owned by a company but managed by another apartment complex I call the Mother Ship. The Mother Ship houses the swimming pool, fitness center (I use that phrase loosely), club house, tennis courts etc. They have started this idea of clubs or groups. Residents of any of the complexes that feed off the Mother Ship can start a group that they'd like. The Mother Ship will help with advertising and offsetting any costs. One resident decided to start a knitting group.

Last night was the first meeting. We were supposed to meet in the fitness room but there was a tae kwon do class going on at the time. They were supposed to end at 8:30pm at which time we would start. When our group leader went in to ask about when their class would end, she was told they would be at least 15 more minutes. No one pushed the envelope – after all, she's a tae kwon do teacher. I wouldn't mess with anyone who could injure me with one kick of the leg or punch of the arm and a resounding "hut-he-yah". (I mean no offense to anyone who takes or knows tae-kwon-do and I don't mean to make fun of your discipline.)

So, our only other choice was to meet around a table in the bar area. So there we were – about15 women – sitting around a table in a bar holding our needles and balls of yarn ready to learn. We got some stares (some trying to figure out what we were doing and why and others checking out some of the women walking in) and some comments (one guy wanted to join the group next week after seeing some 'hot' chicks). Screaming as she spoke (to be heard over the music, the table slapping and the lovely words coming from people's mouths), our leader introduced us first to the concept of casting on.

She gave us some diagrams to help us with the process. Now I am a visual learner. However, I just looked at these diagrams with a "huh?" look on my face. Seated next to me was a girl who pulled out her dog sweater that she was working on and started to knit away. Show off. :-)

She came because it was a chance to meet other people who knit or were interested in learning. Regardless of her motivation, she turned out to be a huge help. She saw the look on my face and helped me figure out how to form the correct knot and cast on appropriately. Then she also helped me to figure out the knit stitch. Good grief, people who knit make it look so easy. After a while I finally got the hang of it. Let's hope I don't forget by next time.

I am excited to knit myself a scarf and who knows what else. I thought the scarf was a safe place to start – seems fairly basic and if it looks horrible, I'll just wear it under my coat and no one else has to know.

I am excited to go back next week. We can only hope for an open fitness room or the knitting group is once again taking over the bar.

Thoughts on Joy

2007-02-23T14:54:00.000-05:00

This week I was listening to a podcast by Joyce Meyer on joy. It's actually titled Enjoying Everyday Life or something like that. Anyway, she had some thoughts on joy that I found to be good reminders. I thought I'd share a few of them.

Jesus came that we might have life to the full (abundantly). It is God's will that we enjoy life.

The enemy has sold us the lie that we are not to enjoy life.

We ought to enjoy the journey of getting to where we're wanting to go. Joy is a choice. We can enjoy traffic if we choose to.

It's not our situation or circumstances but the joy of the Lord that is our strength.

For many of us we get up and just hope to survive the day. We don't remember that Jesus died for more than us just making it through.

The joy of the Lord is our strength. The enemy knows when he steals our joy he steals our strength.

Contentment is learned (Paul said I have learned to be content) and joy is a choice.

We should be joyous in trials because although the trial drains us joy strengthens us.

Joy is a weapon. Don't let the enemy steal your joy because you don't like your circumstances. Fight back with the fruit of joy. No matter what the circumstance we should say I believe this will turn out for good. After all Romans 8:28 says that God works all things together for good.

Boy did I need that this week. I want to choose joy.

Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful....

2007-02-14T19:00:00.000-05:00

The Valentine's Day Storm is upon us. Yes, the media names storms; probably in part so they can have some 'cool' logo to go along with it. The snow started yesterday around 10am or so. Somewhere in the afternoon it switched to this freezing rain/sleet mix. It continued with that throughout the night.

Enter this morning. My alarm went off and unlike many in Philadelphia I did not hit snooze and got up and ready for work. I went outside to start and clean off my car. I didn't quite expect what I got when I went out. There was snow, around 4 inches or snow. In addition to the snow there was a 'nice' layer of rain/sleet permenantly attached to all of my windows. Fun times. Okay, so we didn't get 11 feet like some other places say Oswego, NY. But for the AZ girl that I am, any amount of snow is a lot of snow in my opinion.

So, I stood outside trying desperately to clean off my windshield, back and side windows while the freezing rain that was still falling was slapping me in the face. The wind was a whippin'. There were a few times where I literally asked myself out loud what in the world I was doing. I kept looking around and for the longest time there was NO ONE else outside. I kept wondering if they all knew something I didn't. That whole cleaning off the car thing kind of took longer than expected. Then began the journey of driving to the train station.

Once my car was clean enough that I could see out the windows (a very important fact if you ask me), I began driving. I made it down the hill, out the parking lot and into the street. I expected to find the streets plowed. However, I found one big slushy mess. I made it down the street to my turn. I took the right turn slowly, in one of my lower gears. I slowly made my way up the hill. I looked in my rearview mirror, as most drivers do, and found an interesting sight. A mini van was behind me sliding all over the road. Now I don't know if it was a non-snow-experienced driver, someone trying to have 'fun' in the snow or a legitimate slider. Regardless, I gripped the steering wheel a bit harder (as if my knuckles weren't white already) and continued praying that I would not be hit from behind. I continued on my way and continued to see the mini van behind me sliding along the road. We came to a stop light and I braced myself. Luckily for me, the van did not hit me. I managed to make a left turn through that intersection and continue on yet another slushy road. Then came my right onto the hill that would take me down to the train station parking lot. Oh Jesus, here we go.

Okay, so I continued to talk to God and my car along the drive down the hill. As the car in front of me continuously braked (and I was wondering - what are you thinking, down shift don't brake), I managed to make it to the bottom of that hill without being hit or sliding, even when the bus passed me in the other direction (with the plow in front, may I add). Phew!

I also managed to turn left and head up and down that hill to get to the station. Once I got there I now had to turn into the parking lot and actually park my car in the snow covered, icy layered stuff on the ground. I continued to remain white knuckled and managed to even back my car into a 'spot' in the lot. I walked and missed my train by about 30 seconds. Luckily the local was only 5 minutes behind. I sat down and was SO grateful that I didn't slide, I wasn't hit and I made it safely; stupid as it might have been to even go to work. As we decided at work, once you get started it's hard to turn around. You're already up and dressed and out in the mess so why not continue on. In some ways, honestly, it becomes this 'I must go', 'I must make it there' kind of thing. I will get to the station; I will get to the station....

I took mass transit to work and once I emerged from underground the city was not any cleaner. The main thoroughfare through the city of Philadelphia was one giant slush mess. Now it was fun to cross that one. At least I didn't fall on my butt. That would have been fun. Not many people were at work today and we did leave a bit early. It's crazy cold outside and is only going to get colder. Temps didn't get above freezing and won't for God only knows how long. Tomorrow we are supposed to have insane winds and the wind temps will be below zero. So, the snow isn't melting any time soon. I admit that I am a bit nervous about trying to drive in the morning. My parking lot here at my complex is snowed over. Will I get out of my parking spot in the morning (considering I was spinning trying to get in the spot)? Tomorrow has enough worries of its own. Leave it for tomorrow. Tomorrow I will white knuckle it again and make my way in to the city. Look at the bright side - it will be 'sunny' (I use that term loosely having lived in AZ - the sunniest place on earth) for the next two days; we don't have 11 feet of snow; I get to take public transportation so I don't have to drive and park in the city; I have something to write on this blog. All bright spots indeed.

Oh Spring, Spring; where fore art though?

Adventures in Urban Traveling

2007-02-10T14:46:00.000-05:00

It's cold. Okay, not Oswego, NY cold but cold nonetheless; especially for this AZ girl. Every morning on my way to work I take the train into the city. I get off and walk about 3 blocks to my building. On my journey I have to walk through what we affectionately call 'the wind tunnel'. It's just your typical city, walk between buildings, get blown away business. Anyway, it can do a number on ya on any given day, especially when it's icy cold wind that whips you in the face. So, I got a bright idea this week. I'd get off my train in Center City Philadelphia and take the underground trolley the rest of the way. This trolley would let me off directly across from my building. Sweet....and warm!

So, Monday comes around and I find the trolley with no problem (after someone at work told me it was kind of complicated to get to. I followed the signs; not too complicated.) There was only one other person on the trolley and the driver was so sweet. I asked if it stopped at 33rd St. before getting on. She let me know that it did indeed stop at my stop. She also was kind enough to let me know that every trolley regardless of # stopped at 33rd. I thanked her, sat down, and got off at my stop. It was fabulous, especially when Monday morning was 9 below 0. That's cold.

Tuesday comes along and I wake up to some snow on the ground. After cleaning off my car and waiting for my train, I got off at the same stop and once again found the trolley station. Since it had snowed over night, everyone in Philadelphia (or so it seemed) had the same idea to take the trolley. Whereas Monday I had a choice of seats and shared a trolley with one other person most of the way, Tuesday the whole city was trying to squeeze in. I happen to get on one and found a seat next to a young kid. Early high school age I think. Now there are people standing everywhere so it's a tight squeeze. The kid needed to get off before my stop. No problem. I got up and attempted to move into the aisle to allow the kid out. Now instead of going to the front where there were less people standing at this point, he decides he wants to head out the back. So, he squeezes past me and others who were standing there. In the process I lost hold of the stuff in my hands and was trying to catch everything before it fell to the ground. I managed to get hold of everything (I'm bent over at this point with my bag up against my leg - but it's not one the ground) and as I was trying to stand up straight to return to my seat the trolley jerked to a start (as it always does) and down went Dawn. I fell backward and luckily fell directly into my seat. That sounds good except for the fact that these are hard seats, I have a boney butt and I fell directly in between two seats - you know that lip that separates the seats. Yeah, that felt good. I was SO grateful not to have fallen flat on my face in the trolley aisle though. If I had to choose I'll take the sore butt.

Wed and Thurs were pretty uneventful in comparison. Although each day I misread which door would be opening and just made it out of the trolley each time before the doors closed. Friday rolled around and I figured I'm going to get it today. I'm going to use the force and choose the right door.

I get on with no trouble. The trolley is kind of light. I sit in a double seater by myself, right by the doors. I stand at the doors as we get to my stop (and managed to keep all my things with me). The trolley stops and neither door opens. So, I stand and wait in the middle, not to miss the correct door this time. Suddenly the driver comes over the loud speaker thing. The speakers make this ding sound when the driver is ready to announce the next stop. Suddenly I hear - ding "step down". Okay, it takes me second to realize that the driver is referring to me and she is also trying to help me get out of the steal cage that I am in at the moment. Her words register and I step down and low and behold the doors open. Who knew!?!

Good times. I do love public transportation. I get to fly by on the train while others are experiencing road rage along the highways and roads. It does make for adventures in traveling though.

Quote

2007-01-02T15:34:00.000-05:00

I happen to collect quotes. I'm not sure where that started. I even have a book that I would often write quotes in and now I seem to keep them in a documet on my computer. I recently heard this quote while watching the movie Akeelah and the Bee. This is my quote for 2007 to go along with my song for 2007. The quote is by Marianne Williamson. May these words sink deep.

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some, it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Anyway

2007-01-02T15:27:00.000-05:00

I know many people who choose a poem, song, quote, or verse etc. to represent themselves for a particular year. I never really thought much about it until this year. I've heard a song and quote recently which I'd like to call mine for 2007. The song is titled Anyway by Martina McBride.

You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might never come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea - sing it anyway

I sing
I dream
I love
Anyway

If you get the chance, listen to it. My hope is that no matter what - I chose to love, dream, hope and dance anyway.

Blog Name

2007-01-02T15:22:00.000-05:00

Well, I did it. I entered the world of blogging. Why? Well, I have several reasons but in short I'll go with because I want to. Who knew it was such a process to choose and find a name for a blog. Me, being...well...me...wanted to make sure that I chose something that had meaning. As many know, dance has been a big theme in my life over the past couple of years (probably most of my life if I really think about it). So, I knew it had to have dance in it. One of my favorite quotes is "dance as though no one is watching; love as though you've never been hurt; sing as though no one can hear you; live as though heaven is on earth." Honestly, I'm not sure who it's by. That is where the title comes from. This year, and for the rest of my life, I hope to dance as though no one but the Lord is watching.

DANCE as though no one is watching

Great Quote

Don't 'Cha Hate that?

The Story's Last Chapter?

The Story Continues.....

Seriously Wrong

I'm going to tell you a story.....

The Duchess

It's Not Jeopardy....It's Love

Up, Up & Away

Operation Mini Vacation

Is It Me?

do you think this is true?

Timber!

Too Much Profit?

You're Out!

Is This Normal?

things that make you go....huh?

Thou Shall Not Walk

Amazing Grace

Boot Scootin'

That Girl

Today Makes Two

Gas War Update

Local Gas War

Never Say Never

Grow basil, grow!

I will rise

I *heart* Country Music

Running to Habit

Fairness & God

Happy Anniversary to me!

Internet Blues

The Rainbow Connection

Tales from the I.C.U.

Narnia and Me

A New Mantra?

I Stand Corrected

They're baaaaack!

To Bow is to be Sued

Wisdom in the Rings

my journey, one tape at a time

Evan Almighty

dancing in the rain

52 - pick me up?

BE Beautiful

Tenacity

Snow Day

flashes

Fabulousness

Long Time No Blog

Cookie

Beauty in the Breakdown

DST Issues

Fummer or Sall

Spiritual Lessons on the Road

a day in The City with mom

Caedmon's Call says it all.

A New Motto

Will You?

Questions

Going Down

Run Forrest, Run

One Stitch, Two Stitch….In My Head

Offensive?

For It's 1, 2, 3 Strikes You're Out...

Screaming from Inside

Shoeless Dawn

Good Times

Flash?

Vacation

I Have a Pet Peeve

To Be Seen

Perspective

A work in progress

A moment with robin

March Madness

I am woman...

A Timely Word

So I Think I Can Dance

I heart Country Music