Flash?

Today I wore this pretty, flowy skirt to work. The weather outlook made my choice seem reasonable. As is the case for most of the country during the summer months, there were some isolated or scattered storms blowing through the area. That happened to kick up the wind a bit as the afternoon wore on.

Fast forward to my leaving work. The wind, although not crazy strong by any means, seemed to be whipping especially around the part of campus I call the wind tunnel. Let me paint the picture for you:

wind + flowy skirt = Marilyn Monroe moment

I turned the corner near my building and this blast of wind decided to blow from the south (if you know what I mean). I quickly grabbed my skirt as quickly as I could and held it down for most of the rest of my walk to the train station. I didn't officially flash as far as I know. But then again, Marilyn didn't quite either in that famous picture.

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." (CS Lewis)

As I was driving back to Philly today and sort of processing the past two weeks I happened to be listening to a Christian radio station out of the NY/NJ area. I don't remember the song that was on but it was talking about God (shocker that a Christian radio station would have a song about God) and believing in him. Something sort of hit me - it's not that I doubt my belief in God. I know that I believe in him. Sometimes I doubt that he believes in me. Lately I tend to put too much stock into my circumstances and allow them to be the lens through which I view everything, especially God. My circumstances lead me to believe that God can't possibly believe in me. What hit me is - what if he does. What if my current circumstances are a part of the process of God doing the best for me? What if this is just a time of pain? What if I'm in the valley of the shadow of death (or something that feels like it at times) and the quiet waters and green pasture are just up ahead?

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." (CS Lewis)

CS Lewis was one insightful guy.

Vacation

Free at last; Thank God almighty I am free at last!

I am now officially on vacation for the next two, count them one...two, weeks. Can you tell I am a bit excited about that fact? No need to answer.

I will be adding a new state to my list of states I've visited. Washington will be added when I head to Seattle on Tuesday. I hope to see the sites, spend time with friends, eat too much, stay up too late and laugh until I cry. Sounds like a great time to me.

I'll end my trip in Phoenix visiting my dad and relaxing by the pool. I will get some much needed rest there along with some much needed time with a dear friend. Since my dad is 'sick' I want to spend some time with him. Bring on the sun. I'm sure I'll also eat too much there too. Is there any other way to spend vacation?

I hope to come home full, not only on good food but also emotionally and spiritually from time with friends and family. It wouldn't hurt to come home tan too.

I Have a Pet Peeve

Okay, so I probably have many. This, however, is the only one I'll share. For now.

I don't know what it is with Philly but so many people smoke. Now you, smoker person, have as much 'right' to smoke as I have to breathe clear air. Seems you, however, are always at an advantage.

My pet peeve is not that people smoke. My pet peeve is people who smoke and walk at the same time. Ah, it's SO annoying. It's one thing to walk outside and a smoker is standing there. I can usually walk away and be fine. However, when you walk and smoke at the same time there is no escape. It doesn't matter if I walk in front of you or behind you (although behind is way worse), I can still smell that disgusting smoke.

All you smokers, would you kindly give us non-smokers a break and stand still when you contaminate your lungs. I'd like to keep my lungs as clean as possible. The urban air is enough of a hazard.

To Be Seen

"I gotta go make sure Owen's alright. But when I get back, I want to see you, Janet; really see you. Will you let me do that?"

Ah; what a line. It's from October Road. It's what the character Eddie says to Janet. He's got a few good lines right before it and she has a great answer after it. Yeah, I know it's tv and I know that someone (probably a woman) wrote the line above; but what a line.

I want that. To be seen. It's what I crave and what makes me scared out of my mind all at the same time. Funny how that happens.

I need your grace to remind me to find my own.

Perspective

I was traveling to work on Monday and was sort of creating a blog entry in my mind. I would write about having to clean snow off my car again, how thunder was clapping as the snow was falling in a weird spring meets winter way, sitting in wet pants on the train, the flooding and the damage that all the rain before the snow had brought, etc. I was witty in the blog in my mind; an award in the making.

Then I clicked on cnn.com while at work and suddenly the snow, rain, wet pants and whatever else I was going to convey just didn't seem to matter quite so much. Unthinkable tragedy. Stunned silence.

There have been students I have interacted with in one capacity or another (even if it was just via a story being told to me) who we have recommended to counseling. Depression is rampant in our culture and our young people like at no other time. I see it almost every day in the students on campus; I feel it in my own life at times. It's just unreal.

Hind site is always 20-20. People, the media especially, will 'woulda, coulda, shoulda' this to death in the days/weeks to come. Blame will be tossed around like pennies into a fountain. Many will carry guilt with them and some forever. Some will be haunted by images and sounds every time they close their eyes.

In spite of many of my feelings about and toward the VT Administration, the Police and the gunman himself, I can't help but think of his family. They lost a son, a brother that day. They, too, grieve and mourn a loss so profound. They carry a burden and a guilt that I can not begin to imagine. Then to see your son's final video broadcast on national news (I've got a lot to say about that - perhaps another time). The pictures and images will haunt them as well. I can't help but think that the young man so troubled and in my opinion possessed, who unleashed an eerily calculated fury on that day was once a little boy. He ran, giggled, and played. He dreamed of being someone and doing something. What happened? Where did things go so very wrong? I just can't help but think of his family and the loss they feel.

Some how this extended winter weather (how reliable can a groundhog be anyway) just doesn't seem so significant.

A work in progress

See Me Beautiful

I see me broken.
You see me beautiful.

I see me broken.
I see every mistake;
I feel every failure;
I know every weakness;
I sense every flaw.
Yet, you see me beautiful.

I see me broken.
I see my shortcomings;
I question my value;
I carry my fear;
I doubt my worth.
Yet, you see me beautiful.

I see me broken.
You see me beautiful.
May my eyes see me as You see me;
I see me broken.
May I see me beautiful.