Screaming from Inside

My friend Katie Sue gave me a copy of Jill Phillips' self-titled CD a while back. If you've never heard of Jill Phillips I encourage you to look into this cd. It's really good. Although there are many songs on the album that I find poignant, I keep coming back to one in particular. I heard it again this week on my ipod as I was walking to work from the train station. It describes my current state and answers the question of how am I better then I can articulate. Here are the lyrics to the song "Live By the Sword":

I don’t see why I don’t see what bothers me
And I don’t know why I don’t know won’t let me go
I should have listened to myself when I had it down
This dose of my own medicine is too big to swallow now
This is the time when I find what’s inside of me
This is the time when I decide what I believe

CHORUS:
If I want to be real in this world
The I have to realize
If I am going to live by the sword
I'm gonna have to die by the sword

It’s easy to be calm when there’s no crashing tide
It’s easy to be quiet when it’s loud outside
It’s easy to be humble when you’re glorified
But now I’m out here on my own and screaming from inside

This is the time when I find what’s inside of me
This is the time when I decide what I believe

CHORUS

You stripped me down to basics
You left my heart exposed
There is no pride in times like this
No one said it was easy
No one said it was fair
But nobody’s happy when it is

Lord, I need your loving arms to carry me
When I look in the mirror and don’t like what I see
I know you know what I desire to do
So help me follow even when it’s not easy to

CHORUS

Shoeless Dawn

Normally when I commute by train I will wear flip-flops, Teva sandals, sneakers or some other type of easily walkable footwear (obviously my choice varies by season and weather). I'll put my sandals or heals on when I get to the office. On Thursday I was at an afternoon meeting that ran late. When it was finally over I bolted out of the meeting (leaving my jacket behind that a co-worker graciously picked up for me) to catch my train. Since the meeting ran late, I did not have enough time to change shoes so I was left to walk in my slip on sandals.

These sandals are actually quite comfortable and I have no problem walking in them for long distances. However speed and slip on do not mesh. I inadvertently lost my shoe at least twice on my walk to the train. As I stepped forward, off came my shoe and down came my heel on the pavement. That felt good.

I managed to walk up the stairs to my platform as my train was just stopping to load passengers. I sat and read my book and was grateful to have caught my train. Once near my stop, I waited in the aisle along with the other passengers. I was about 5 people deep.

As I was exiting the train, I was completely distracted by the guy in front of me. As I got to the last step, off came my shoe once again. This time, however, it didn't just fall off. It fell UNDER the train. Good times. So, I had to hold up the line and sort of climb under the train (in a skirt nonetheless) to retrieve my shoe. Now that was fun.

I'm glad I could provide dinnertime conversation for people that evening. 'Honey, you gotta listen to this. There was this woman getting off the train….'

Good Times

I had to stop at the grocery store on my way home to pick up a few things. For some reason (although I probably already know) I was frustrated as I pulled in to the parking lot. There were two spots that I saw and as I turned to head into one I saw that there was a shopping cart blocking the way. So, I maneuvered around it and managed to park next to it and not hit it with my door as I got out.

In my moment of total frustration I decided to push the cart out of the way (in theory I was making room so someone else could park next to me). I charged toward the cart, put my hands on the handle and ran directly into the cart bar with my shin.

Newton's law of motion - the one where an object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by an outside source - you know that law is true? My body (my shin especially) stayed in motion until it was acted upon by an outside force of a broken shopping cart. I knew that was going to leave a mark.

I now have this beautiful, already colorful, fairly large bump on my shin. It's almost as if the side of one of those small bouncy balls is sticking out of my leg. It's pretty and will only get prettier as the colors change and time goes on.

Yup, that cleared up my frustration.

Shopping cart 1 Dawn 0

Flash?

Today I wore this pretty, flowy skirt to work. The weather outlook made my choice seem reasonable. As is the case for most of the country during the summer months, there were some isolated or scattered storms blowing through the area. That happened to kick up the wind a bit as the afternoon wore on.

Fast forward to my leaving work. The wind, although not crazy strong by any means, seemed to be whipping especially around the part of campus I call the wind tunnel. Let me paint the picture for you:

wind + flowy skirt = Marilyn Monroe moment

I turned the corner near my building and this blast of wind decided to blow from the south (if you know what I mean). I quickly grabbed my skirt as quickly as I could and held it down for most of the rest of my walk to the train station. I didn't officially flash as far as I know. But then again, Marilyn didn't quite either in that famous picture.