I currently have stitches in my head, in two different places actually. I am also currently bleeding from the head. Now that can’t be good. Let me break it down a bit.
I went to the dermatologist today. Lately my scalp has been acting up. It’s embarrassing. So, after trying lots of over the counter stuff to see if it would help, I decided to go to the doctor. The dermatologist came in, asked me what brought me in, glanced at my head (no kidding, glanced) and then said she wanted to take a swab of my scalp and send it to the lab. Okay, I’ve had swabs taken before. You know, a q-tip looking utensil is scrapped across whatever and voila, a swab has been taken. Turns out, this swab…not so much like what I just described.
The doctor leaves and says her assistant will come in to get started. Okay, no biggie. So, the assistant tells me that the worst part of the process is the numbing….she’ll be using a needle. Excuse me? A what? For a swab?
Incoming.
The assistant told me to prepare – there would be a “pinch and a burn” then proceeded to tell me when she was sticking the needle in my head and that I’d feel the burn. Oh yeah, felt the pinch and the burn. Then she went and did that on another part of my head. Pinch and burn. Then….she’s gone. I swear I felt like I was having an out of body experience. Was any of this really happening? I didn’t ask for you to stab my head with a needle.
The doctor comes back in and she literally scrapes away a part of my scalp. No, I’m not exaggerating. She scrapes one side, then the other. At this point I’m feeling a bit odd. The doctor asks if I feel like I’m going to pass out. Mmm, not quite…but I do feel like my head is a bit fuzzy (said like Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail). At this point she has started to sew me back up. Just the oddest feeling. She asks again if I feel like I’m going to pass out and I said no but I was thinking about my head being sewed up. She suggested we change the subject and asked if I had lunch. So, I figured she was trying to get me to talk. I told her a little about my lunch. Turns out she wasn’t interested in conversation; she only wanted to make sure that I had eaten. Turns out if you eat, the chances of passing out while your head is being stitched up are minimal. Good to know.
I can’t even tell you how weird it is to touch your head and not feel a thing. That just doesn’t seem right. There really are no words to describe what it feels like. I hope you never have to know. I can only imagine what it will feel like when it starts to itch and I can feel it.
So, now I have stitches in my head that I have to put Neosporin on every day, yummy clumps of blood all around it and a headache. This is why I hate going to the doctor – you go in with a simple question and come out with a load of prescriptions, tests that were run that you’re not even sure your insurance will cover and pieces of your head missing. Okay, so that last one doesn’t always happen but any time it does just isn’t right.
Do you think stitches in the head qualify me for a sick day? I go back in two weeks to see the results from my swab aka the cutting open of my scalp. Can’t wait to hear what the results are. Let's hope she doesn't have to run more tests.
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