Will You?

Will You?

Will you live without a manual?
Will you dance without knowing the steps?
Will you humble yourself on the mountaintop
And stand tall at the bottom of the valley?
Will you?

Will you choose to accept that I love you deeply?
Will you believe when I say I’m pleased with you?
Will you hold onto hope in the struggles
And let go of control in the storms?
Will you?

Will you walk in faith and not stand in fear?
Will you dream the dreams I have for you?
Will you come and be near me when I call
And go and be obedient when I ask?
Will you?

Will you open the dark places of your heart?
Will you let me breathe life back into your dry bones?
Will you lead others to my light
And follow those who’ve gone before?
Will you?

Will you believe in spite of?
Will you love anyway?
Will you give all of you to me
And take all of me for you?
Will you?

Will you?

Questions

I came across this quote by poet Rainer Maria Rilke. It says,

Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves…. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer.

I feel like I have so many questions. It's funny; I really like to ask questions so it shouldn't be a surprise that I have so many. But it still throws me at times. I get so caught up in wanting to find the answer, wanting to figure out the why. Usually it just leaves me frustrated and with more questions. So, instead, perhaps i need to try to love the question itself. Not just try to love it but also live it. Yeah, I don't know how to do that either. So basically I'm asking - how do I do that? Isn't that another question though? See the cycle?

I need to recognize that there are things that remain unsolved in my heart. I need to try (thank God is does not say to have it all figured out) to love the question itself. I need to live the question. Then maybe, just maybe, I will find myself experiencing the answer. That's what I should hope for - to experience the answer and not just to find it. Something tells me that not only will the answer be more powerful that way but that I might actually remember it later.

Things are pretty, graceful, rich, elegant, but, until they speak to the imagination, not yet beautiful.

That's a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. I saw it in an ad and I just really, really like it. Although, I'd actually want to tweek it a bit. I think I'd say - until they speak to the heart they are not yet beautiful.

Going Down

Thursday was a slightly different day. I put on a black skirt and a new top (which I love and is actually pretty hip), my hair seemed to be working (which in the humidity of the east rarely ever does) and I was feeling pretty good. That rarely happens in my world. As I got to the train station and exited the train, I got a few second glances from some guys in the station. As I'm sure women will agree, that can be a confidence boost – especially when that is something that doesn't always happen to you. I even smiled and thought to myself – I look pretty good today.

It didn't take 20 steps from that moment for me to no longer be quite so cute. I started climbing the stairs to exit the station and on about the 3 ^rd or 4^th step up, I tripped. Down goes my bag, down goes my purse, and down goes I. Next thing I know I am nearly sprawled out on the steps of Suburban Station.

I look up and of course the station full of people are all looking directly at me. Not a single, solitary person stops to ask if I am okay. Not one. They are all looking at me, but no one says anything. Trust me, you could NOT have missed what just happened.

For anyone who has ever had an embarrassing moment such as this you know that your adrenaline starts pumping a bit. So, I pick myself up, gather up my bag and purse and begin to once again climb the stairs. At this point I can not remain silent. Call it being embarrassed, call it being from Jersey and being half Italian; call it whatever you like but I needed to let everyone know. I brushed myself off, raised my hand in the air and out loud said – I'm fine, thanks everyone for asking. As we all continued walking up the stairs people starting giggling. I, however, was not.

I was so mad. Mad at myself for tripping up the stairs. Who does that? Okay, aside from me. This is now my second time tripping up the very same stairs. (If I haven't already told you my herbal essences man story you'll have to ask me about that one.) You'd think I'd learn by now. I was mad at the people for laughing at me and not asking if I was okay. I was mad.

After getting out of the station, into the humid, August heat, and several blocks away from the station I could chuckle. A few times I flat out laughed. As I got to work I couldn't help but think – even if tripping and sprawling across the stairs is anything but graceful, at least I did it in cute clothes. That thought got the biggest laugh of all.

Run Forrest, Run

Last night I went to see a free movie with two crazy friends. I got free passes from a woman at work to go see Becoming Jane. I went with two friends, both named Andrea. It reminded me of that old Bob Newhart show – this is my friend Andrea and my other friend Andrea. Please tell me I'm not the only one old enough to remember that show or to know what I'm talking about? Anyway….

We had quite an adventure getting home. The movie let out at 9:30pm nearly on the dot. After what felt like being herded out of the theater, we made a bee-line for the train station. We had approximately 12 blocks to cover in about 13 minutes. We started walking, then walking fast then jogging to all out running. Mind you all three of us were in flip-flops and skirts. Do you have that mental picture? Moving on…..

We ran past this large group of older people (most I saw as I was running by had grey hair or at least nearly grey) who were enjoying the end of their meal sitting outside a café/restaurant. As we drove by we heard some cheering and saw this grey (nearly white) haired gentleman holding a white napkin up in the air. What the? Since I felt like we were being made fun of by those at the table I said aloud – yes we are training for a marathon – trying to bring some humor. I didn't think I said it loudly. As we ran by the buy brought the napkin down and screamed something inaudible and the table cheered. He was pretending we just ran through the finish line. At this point I am now cracking up because I found that to be pretty funny. I guess that's why one would crack up at something. Okay….

We had some trouble finding an open entrance into the train station. Would two Andreas and a Dawn make it to the train on time? The answer….not so much. Missed it by about 2 minutes. What a bummer. All that running, all that sweating for nothing but a fun memory and a great story. Oh well, can't have it all. We walked a few blocks to take the bus instead rather than wait for the next train which would be an hour later. I only got home maybe about 10 minutes before the later train would have arrived though (and 2 hours after the movie ended). Oh well….

How was the movie you ask? I enjoyed it. I wonder how much of it is actually the way it happened and how much is 'creative license.' Can't exactly ask Jane Austin. I had a hard time with the ending. Not that I didn't like the way the story ended; I didn't like the way the end of the story was portrayed on the screen. I don't want to ruin it for anyone who may go see it, so if you want to know more you'll have to ask. Until then….