Cookie

Too bad there is no sound with that title. When I wrote it, it sounded just like Cookie Monster.

I hosted a Cookie Exchange at my apartment Sunday. Friends baked six-ish dozen of one of their favorite holiday cookies and brought those with them. After nibbling on some snacks, drinking hot and cold beverages and catching up, we began the exchange. Each of us were able to pick a pre-determined amount of each others cookies to have as our own. In the end each of us walked away with an assortment of yummy holiday cookies and treats. Wanna come over for some cookies and milk…or tea…or coffee…

Some friends asked if this will be a yearly tradition. I sure hope so.

*Happy Anniversary to me! Two years ago yesterday I moved into my apartment in Philadelphia. Time certainly flies by.

Beauty in the Breakdown

Lately God has been showing me a lot of different things. One of the things he has been showing me is how over the years I have built up some pretty high walls. As a result, my heart has become pretty callous about some things. Jesus is inviting me, once again, to allow those walls to be torn down and the calluses penetrated. It’s time.

One of the ways God has been showing me these things is through the sermons at church. This week, at the end of the sermon, our pastor JR asked us what Jesus is asking us to do. Good question. So, I asked him there in the service. The conversation went something like this:

D: Jesus, what are you asking me to do?

J: Let go.

D: What does that mean?

J: Let go.

D: Okay but how do I do that?

J: Let go.

I never said I wasn’t stubborn. After I realized that ‘let go’ is the answer to nearly every question I have been asking and actually heard Jesus’ words, a song immediately came into my mind. Until Sunday afternoon I had never really listened to any of the words. Now, strange as it may seem, these words are what I will need to hold onto in this process. Nearly every word applies. My equation – brokenness = ugliness. Who wants to be broken? But apparently, there is beauty in the breakdown. Something tells me I’m going to need to be reminded of that several times over the coming days.

Let Go by Frou Frou

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow
such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

DST Issues

So, I'm a Rachael Ray fan. I admit it; I'm not afraid. I tape her daytime show every day. I admit that many times I'll fast forward through a large chunk of it, especially if what's for dinner is something I'd never make or she has a guest that I have no interest in or a segment that does not apply to me. But I do tape daily.

I came home on Monday from a very insane day of work. It was one of those where you feel like an entire week has passed in one day. I made some dinner and settled down to watch Monday's episode. I rewound my tape to the beginning, a very good place to start so I hear. I pushed play and suddenly on my screen is the show The View. Now in my market, The View comes on after RR. So, I hit stop (thinking maybe I had taped after RR a bit too far and didn't rewind the tape enough). My tape nearly immediately stopped and after pressing play again (just to be sure) realized there would be no RR for me. I kept thinking, I swear I set the VCR for the correct time (yes, I still use a VCR). So, I programmed RR for both Tuesday and Wednesday of this week. Since I have small group on Tuesdays, I knew I wouldn't be able to watch until Wednesday and wanted to not forget to tape Wednesday's episode. I checked and re-checked the times on the programming just to be sure.

I get to work this morning (Wednesday) and get an email from a co-worker regarding Daylight Savings Time and changing our clocks this weekend. There was a link so I clicked on the article and it hit me. That's why my VCR taped the wrong show. My VCR (and many people's electronic devices) is set for the old DST which was this past Sunday. (No wonder why the clock on my computer was wrong when I was on it on Monday night. I just assumed my computer was having an off night. It is getting old in computer years.)

So, you know what that means? My VCR taped two more episodes of The View on Tuesday and Wednesday this week and not one ounce of RR. Bummer. I missed some good stuff. Well, at least I assume I did. I guess I'll have to wait for repeats to come on this summer.

The moral of this story is, check your electronic equipment to make sure it has the correct time and don't forget to change your equipment again this Saturday night. Unless you're in AZ. Or parts of IN. Then you can just laugh at those of us who have these DST 'issues.'

Fummer or Sall

It’s hard to know what to call this time of year. I mean this literal time of this literal year. It’s fall; the calendar tells me so, the shorter days tell me so, the leaves changing colors and falling from trees tell me so. Apparently the weather did not quite get the memo, at least not in my neck of the woods.

No, in my neck of the woods summer is holding on. Temperatures have tied, broken or come ridiculously close to records. The humidity was so thick yesterday that every curl on my head was a big frizzy mess and my skin felt wet. Okay, so the fact that it rained yesterday didn’t help that. The Philadelphia area is on track to not just break but demolish the heat record set during this month back in 1971. I wasn’t even born in 1971. That year the average temp in October was 6 point-something degrees higher than normal. This year we are on track for 8 point-something degrees higher than normal and there are still nearly 2 weeks left in the month. Apparently this is a big deal since the weather guy had all sorts of graphics about it yesterday. Monday temps are supposed to hit 80+ degrees.

Am I complaining about this? Not me. This thinned out blood from her years in Arizona girl is quite enjoying the warmer temps. Yes, it’s hard to figure out what to wear each day; especially when you went ahead and put most of your summer clothes away and took out the fall and winter pieces during the first cold spell (okay official fall weather) that we had. But complaining I am not.

It’s just weird that it’s dark in the mornings and the sun is setting earlier yet the temps are calling for barbeques and lazy nights on the porch. The thing that makes me a bit nervous (slightly too strong of an emotion but I was in need of a word) is we may just skip fall temps all together and be thrown into the dreaded cold of winter. I shudder at the thought. My thin blood needs a transition.

I have a love-hate relationship with fall. I love the slightly cooler temps (in a normal fall), the chance to wear boots and light sweaters, the lower humidity, the leaves changing colors, apple cider, homemade apple sauce, and baking again since I hate to put the oven on in the summer among many other things. But I know that winter is just around the corner. That thought makes me dread this time of year.

This year I get to hold on a bit longer to the warm temperatures. My butt and hips will enjoy the lack of baked goods and my taste buds will enjoy it all the more in a short while. For now, I’m going to try to live in the present. I’m going to try to enjoy this time of year for as long as it’s around. I’ll try to get the most out of the rest of this fummer or sall season.

Spiritual Lessons on the Road

I was recently driving back to Philly from NJ. I traveled a different route home because I started out from a different location. My mapquest directions and I began the journey. Early on I was quite familiar with the roads. Once I got past a certain point I was in unexplored territory as far as I was concerned. It was a very pretty drive over a lot of farm land (yes, NJ has farmland) and some of the leaves were beginning to change colors.

I reached a certain point in my journey where the road changes names but the route number stays the same. I went through a toll booth, found the route number I needed and continued driving. Several hundred feet later I had a brief moment of panic. I hadn’t yet seen a sign confirming I was in fact on the correct numbered road. The new street name was not mentioned in my directions (that became a distraction). I’m in the middle of literally God only knows where. Uh-oh.

I had a spiritual lesson or moment then. I knew that I was on the right road but for some reason I got a small sense of panic and when I let it in, it grew. I knew I was on the right road, but I wanted to see the route number sign so that I could have it confirmed. Isn’t that like our life journey though? We know we are on the right road, the right journey toward God; but sometimes we just want or we just need to be reminded and encouraged. We need to have our journey road confirmed in some way.

I think we all need to be encouraged along our journey. A little while later I saw that number that I needed; the number that assured me that I was in fact on the correct road and there was no need to panic.

I pray we all have someone or someones in our life who can encourage us along the way and let us know that we are in fact on the right road. I also pray that our eyes are open for those people and for those signs. I’d hate for us to miss them because we are too busy being distracted.

a day in The City with mom

My mom and I went into New York City to try to see the Rachael Ray Show. No, we didn’t have tickets; we were trying for stand-by seats. We got up early and my step-dad drove us to the train station. We took the nearly 1 hour ride into the city and then walked a whole heck of a lot further to the studio than we had originally anticipated needing to walk. Yes, we could have taken a cab but we were women on a mission.

We arrived and saw a line forming outside the “Audience Entrance” sign. I went inside the studio entryway beside the sign to make sure we were in fact in the correct place. I was informed by a nice security guy that we in fact were. For stand-by tickets we needed to wait in line and someone with a headset would eventually come out and tell us what to do. Check. It’s off to the line we go. As I’m about to walk outside he tells me that which I already know – it’s hard to get stand-by tickets to RR. I smiled and said, ‘I know, thanks.’ But what I was thinking to add to that is, ‘but you don’t know my God.’ I just never said it out loud.

Mom and I stood in line for about 65 minutes or so listening to the people around us chat about some ridiculous stuff. All the people around us had tickets. We had hope. I kept thinking how wrong it was that some of the people around me who aren’t even fans (or fair weathered ones at best) were going to get in and I might not. One woman in front kept saying things about RR like, ‘I didn’t know she lived in the city.’ In my head I responded – she lives in the Village and has a house in the Adirondacks; she and John are also currently considering a summer home in the Hamptons. Anything else you’d like to know about her? Some people. Instead I just held my tongue.

Finally after what felt like years the woman with the headset came out. She walked past us and was kind of counting/looking for passes. I scooted to the side and asked if we were in the right line for stand-by tickets. After all that time waiting, I didn’t want to get left behind. Her words to me were, ‘I’m going to let you stay right here.’ Hope meter skyrocketed. I figured we’d flash our government issued id as required and walk right in. Headset lady started at the back of the line and started pulling people out of line to go on ahead of the rest of us and get inside. We found out they were considered VIPs. Hey, I’m a VIP too! Rachael may not know it yet but I surely am.

Headset lady got to us and asked for my last name. I told her we weren’t on the list and were hoping for stand-by tickets. Good grief, some people forget faces so easily. :-) She told us to come out of line and walk up to the other woman with the headset and she’d help us. Heart is pounding at this moment. Could it be? Are we going to get in? My mom and I walk confidently up to headset lady II and she asks for our name. Rats. Again I explain how we are hoping for stand-by seats. She tells us to stand to the side. I get up against the wall and headset lady II comes over and drops the bomb – there are no standby seats left. What????!!!!! After all that? No seats? Hey, I’m a VIP too. I guess my V or I just aren’t big enough.

So, mom and I did what nearly every other woman would have done in that situation. We stormed the doors and ran inside. Just kidding. We went shopping. We weren’t going to waste a trip into NYC.

As far as the RR show goes, I’ll try again. One of these days I’m getting in to see the show. I’m still holding my hope. Better yet, maybe one day I’ll be ON the show. Look for me on a tv near you. I’ll be back Rachael; I’ll be back.

Caedmon's Call says it all.

Sometimes I can't figure out how to describe how I feel. I can't figure out what to say (or write on this blog) and so I say nothing. Then I hear a song that says what I think. It says what I'm feeling.

Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And every day I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind

I hear it all depends on my faith
So I'm feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries
Is they're so mysterious

And like a consumer I've been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my 15 minutes of faith,
Then I'd be secure

(Chorus)
My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

I've begged you for some proof
For my Thomas eyes to see
A slithering staff, a leprous hand
And lions resting lazily

A glimpse of your back-side glory
And this soaked altar going ablaze
But you know I've seen so much
I explained it away

Chorus

Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It'd been there all the time

A New Motto

This past weekend I attended the Women of Faith conference here in Philly with women from church. It was good to meet other women in my church, to worship with an arena full of women, to laugh until I cried and to hear from Jesus. It really was a beautiful weekend.

The theme of the weekend was Amazing Freedom. Boy do we need to remember that we have that. On Friday night God remind me of the theme of dance in my life through the spunky and powerful Patsy Clairmont. It was so good to be reminded of that. Then Saturday afternoon, as Luci Swindoll shared of her story, God spoke directly to me. It didn't matter that there were thousands of women in attendance. Her words, God's words, were for me.

As Luci shared of her first job with Mobil Oil company she talked about how much she hated it. She didn't like the people she worked with nor the job itself. As she was driving home from work one night she was praying. She was complaining to God about the job and about the horrible people. Complaining, complaining, complaining nearly the whole way home. Suddenly she felt God speaking to her. He told her to just 'show up, shut up, and let go.' She embraced that phrase and the next day at work immediately began to see people differently and act differently. Three weeks later her boss called her in and gave her a promotion. That promotion led her to travel and start writing books (two of her great loves). She talked about how she would never have been able to do the work in that next job, nor even the work she does now, without having learned the skills she did in that first job.

That phrase spoke directly to me and my heart. It doesn't apply just to aspects of my job but also to other areas of my life. Now I, too, am trying to adopt that phrase as my new motto. Help hold me accountable to that; that I would...

Show up, shut up, and let go!!!

Will You?

Will You?

Will you live without a manual?
Will you dance without knowing the steps?
Will you humble yourself on the mountaintop
And stand tall at the bottom of the valley?
Will you?

Will you choose to accept that I love you deeply?
Will you believe when I say I’m pleased with you?
Will you hold onto hope in the struggles
And let go of control in the storms?
Will you?

Will you walk in faith and not stand in fear?
Will you dream the dreams I have for you?
Will you come and be near me when I call
And go and be obedient when I ask?
Will you?

Will you open the dark places of your heart?
Will you let me breathe life back into your dry bones?
Will you lead others to my light
And follow those who’ve gone before?
Will you?

Will you believe in spite of?
Will you love anyway?
Will you give all of you to me
And take all of me for you?
Will you?

Will you?

Questions

I came across this quote by poet Rainer Maria Rilke. It says,

Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves…. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer.

I feel like I have so many questions. It's funny; I really like to ask questions so it shouldn't be a surprise that I have so many. But it still throws me at times. I get so caught up in wanting to find the answer, wanting to figure out the why. Usually it just leaves me frustrated and with more questions. So, instead, perhaps i need to try to love the question itself. Not just try to love it but also live it. Yeah, I don't know how to do that either. So basically I'm asking - how do I do that? Isn't that another question though? See the cycle?

I need to recognize that there are things that remain unsolved in my heart. I need to try (thank God is does not say to have it all figured out) to love the question itself. I need to live the question. Then maybe, just maybe, I will find myself experiencing the answer. That's what I should hope for - to experience the answer and not just to find it. Something tells me that not only will the answer be more powerful that way but that I might actually remember it later.

Things are pretty, graceful, rich, elegant, but, until they speak to the imagination, not yet beautiful.

That's a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. I saw it in an ad and I just really, really like it. Although, I'd actually want to tweek it a bit. I think I'd say - until they speak to the heart they are not yet beautiful.

Going Down

Thursday was a slightly different day. I put on a black skirt and a new top (which I love and is actually pretty hip), my hair seemed to be working (which in the humidity of the east rarely ever does) and I was feeling pretty good. That rarely happens in my world. As I got to the train station and exited the train, I got a few second glances from some guys in the station. As I'm sure women will agree, that can be a confidence boost – especially when that is something that doesn't always happen to you. I even smiled and thought to myself – I look pretty good today.

It didn't take 20 steps from that moment for me to no longer be quite so cute. I started climbing the stairs to exit the station and on about the 3 ^rd or 4^th step up, I tripped. Down goes my bag, down goes my purse, and down goes I. Next thing I know I am nearly sprawled out on the steps of Suburban Station.

I look up and of course the station full of people are all looking directly at me. Not a single, solitary person stops to ask if I am okay. Not one. They are all looking at me, but no one says anything. Trust me, you could NOT have missed what just happened.

For anyone who has ever had an embarrassing moment such as this you know that your adrenaline starts pumping a bit. So, I pick myself up, gather up my bag and purse and begin to once again climb the stairs. At this point I can not remain silent. Call it being embarrassed, call it being from Jersey and being half Italian; call it whatever you like but I needed to let everyone know. I brushed myself off, raised my hand in the air and out loud said – I'm fine, thanks everyone for asking. As we all continued walking up the stairs people starting giggling. I, however, was not.

I was so mad. Mad at myself for tripping up the stairs. Who does that? Okay, aside from me. This is now my second time tripping up the very same stairs. (If I haven't already told you my herbal essences man story you'll have to ask me about that one.) You'd think I'd learn by now. I was mad at the people for laughing at me and not asking if I was okay. I was mad.

After getting out of the station, into the humid, August heat, and several blocks away from the station I could chuckle. A few times I flat out laughed. As I got to work I couldn't help but think – even if tripping and sprawling across the stairs is anything but graceful, at least I did it in cute clothes. That thought got the biggest laugh of all.

Run Forrest, Run

Last night I went to see a free movie with two crazy friends. I got free passes from a woman at work to go see Becoming Jane. I went with two friends, both named Andrea. It reminded me of that old Bob Newhart show – this is my friend Andrea and my other friend Andrea. Please tell me I'm not the only one old enough to remember that show or to know what I'm talking about? Anyway….

We had quite an adventure getting home. The movie let out at 9:30pm nearly on the dot. After what felt like being herded out of the theater, we made a bee-line for the train station. We had approximately 12 blocks to cover in about 13 minutes. We started walking, then walking fast then jogging to all out running. Mind you all three of us were in flip-flops and skirts. Do you have that mental picture? Moving on…..

We ran past this large group of older people (most I saw as I was running by had grey hair or at least nearly grey) who were enjoying the end of their meal sitting outside a café/restaurant. As we drove by we heard some cheering and saw this grey (nearly white) haired gentleman holding a white napkin up in the air. What the? Since I felt like we were being made fun of by those at the table I said aloud – yes we are training for a marathon – trying to bring some humor. I didn't think I said it loudly. As we ran by the buy brought the napkin down and screamed something inaudible and the table cheered. He was pretending we just ran through the finish line. At this point I am now cracking up because I found that to be pretty funny. I guess that's why one would crack up at something. Okay….

We had some trouble finding an open entrance into the train station. Would two Andreas and a Dawn make it to the train on time? The answer….not so much. Missed it by about 2 minutes. What a bummer. All that running, all that sweating for nothing but a fun memory and a great story. Oh well, can't have it all. We walked a few blocks to take the bus instead rather than wait for the next train which would be an hour later. I only got home maybe about 10 minutes before the later train would have arrived though (and 2 hours after the movie ended). Oh well….

How was the movie you ask? I enjoyed it. I wonder how much of it is actually the way it happened and how much is 'creative license.' Can't exactly ask Jane Austin. I had a hard time with the ending. Not that I didn't like the way the story ended; I didn't like the way the end of the story was portrayed on the screen. I don't want to ruin it for anyone who may go see it, so if you want to know more you'll have to ask. Until then….

I have been taking a craft class for a few months now. Usually, I'm not very good. Seriously, I'm not being self-depracating or fishing for compliments or anything. I am not craft inclined. I can scrapbook and I can cook; those are my two crafty or creative outlets. My work in class usually leaves a lot to be desired.

This week that all changed. I am so incredibly proud of my craft project this week. We made light plates (you know those plates that protect all the electrical outlets). Mine not only looks good but it almost looks kind of professional. I am just so proud that I had to share my accomplishment.

One Stitch, Two Stitch….In My Head

I currently have stitches in my head, in two different places actually. I am also currently bleeding from the head. Now that can’t be good. Let me break it down a bit.

I went to the dermatologist today. Lately my scalp has been acting up. It’s embarrassing. So, after trying lots of over the counter stuff to see if it would help, I decided to go to the doctor. The dermatologist came in, asked me what brought me in, glanced at my head (no kidding, glanced) and then said she wanted to take a swab of my scalp and send it to the lab. Okay, I’ve had swabs taken before. You know, a q-tip looking utensil is scrapped across whatever and voila, a swab has been taken. Turns out, this swab…not so much like what I just described.

The doctor leaves and says her assistant will come in to get started. Okay, no biggie. So, the assistant tells me that the worst part of the process is the numbing….she’ll be using a needle. Excuse me? A what? For a swab?

Incoming.

The assistant told me to prepare – there would be a “pinch and a burn” then proceeded to tell me when she was sticking the needle in my head and that I’d feel the burn. Oh yeah, felt the pinch and the burn. Then she went and did that on another part of my head. Pinch and burn. Then….she’s gone. I swear I felt like I was having an out of body experience. Was any of this really happening? I didn’t ask for you to stab my head with a needle.

The doctor comes back in and she literally scrapes away a part of my scalp. No, I’m not exaggerating. She scrapes one side, then the other. At this point I’m feeling a bit odd. The doctor asks if I feel like I’m going to pass out. Mmm, not quite…but I do feel like my head is a bit fuzzy (said like Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail). At this point she has started to sew me back up. Just the oddest feeling. She asks again if I feel like I’m going to pass out and I said no but I was thinking about my head being sewed up. She suggested we change the subject and asked if I had lunch. So, I figured she was trying to get me to talk. I told her a little about my lunch. Turns out she wasn’t interested in conversation; she only wanted to make sure that I had eaten. Turns out if you eat, the chances of passing out while your head is being stitched up are minimal. Good to know.

I can’t even tell you how weird it is to touch your head and not feel a thing. That just doesn’t seem right. There really are no words to describe what it feels like. I hope you never have to know. I can only imagine what it will feel like when it starts to itch and I can feel it.

So, now I have stitches in my head that I have to put Neosporin on every day, yummy clumps of blood all around it and a headache. This is why I hate going to the doctor – you go in with a simple question and come out with a load of prescriptions, tests that were run that you’re not even sure your insurance will cover and pieces of your head missing. Okay, so that last one doesn’t always happen but any time it does just isn’t right.

Do you think stitches in the head qualify me for a sick day? I go back in two weeks to see the results from my swab aka the cutting open of my scalp. Can’t wait to hear what the results are. Let's hope she doesn't have to run more tests.

Offensive?

Today in church we had a guest preacher. Craig Gross, who is a youth pastor in Chicago, spoke. He is one of the founders of xxxchurch.com - the #1 Christian porn site. What a story this guy has. He shared a great message and an amazing testimony of God's love and heart for people. There are so many things I could write about what Craig spoke about today, so many stories I could tell. I'll stick with one for this post. For others, you can check out their website.

What these guys started out to do was to get people to start talking about porn and the addiction it can become and how it affects lives and families. They (Craig and his friend who had the idea together) decided to launch the website. They decided they needed to advertise so they felt led to go to the porn convention that happened every year in Vegas. To make a long story short, the coordinators of the convention loved these guys so much they invited them back the following year. They've been there 5 years running and will hit 4 conventions total this year - since the industry has exploded so much.

Side note - did you know that the porn industry pulls in more money than the NFL, NHL, MLB and NBA combined? That's crazy.

Anyway, they had to create some sort of booth for the convention. So, they came up with the tagline "Jesus loves porn stars." They have t-shirts and they also decided to give away Bibles at the convention. They are New Testament Bibles with a cover that reads "Jesus loves porn stars." It's true - he loves them as much as he loves pastors, and children, and teachers, and....

Craig told story after story of conversations he's had with people in the industry and story after story of God being at work. At one point he made a reference to some of the super conservative Christians that are out there. I couldn't help but think if they are offended by their tagline and logo that 'Jesus loves porn stars.' I can just hear it now - that just promotes their lifestyle. Telling them about Jesus' love without telling them about his hatred of their sin is...well...sinful. I just couldn't help but wonder if they are supported by other prominent believers.

Every year so far they have run out of Bibles before the end of the convention. Craig and his friends don't lie about what they are offering. They are clear that the book you are about to pick up from the table is a Bible. People take it anyway. He said every year they look through the trash and not one Bible is thrown away. Of course he joked that people are afraid to throw the Bible away because it's bad luck and no one really wants to mess with God. So, some people do put the Bible on top of the trash can so they didn't really throw it away. We got a laugh at that but those that were left on top of the can end up going to someone else who decided to take a Bible home with them.

God's word is powerful. It can break the addiction. It can set the sinner free. You know, Jesus really does love porn stars.

For It's 1, 2, 3 Strikes You're Out...

My mom and Bob were in town visiting this past weekend. On Saturday we went to see the Phillies play the Mets. Although I grew up a Yankees fan and technically now that I live in Philly I'm "supposed" to be a Phillies fan, it was fun to see the Mets win. What a crowd. We ended up in the Mets section - or at least it seemed like it. Hearing their chants - so fun. Phillies fans are crazy too. The mascot is called the Phanatic if that says anything about the fans here. If only I lived my Christian life with the passion that either team's fans have. Of course, for many of them, the libations are helpful in increasing their passion. Alas, I digress.

Tim McGraw threw out the first pitch. He and Faith Hill were in concert right next door that night so he was in town already. Seemed only fitting since his dad Tug McGraw was a Philly. It was fun to have someone I 'know' throw out the first pitch. Personally I would have loved to play the role of catcher or even ball girl who got to bring him the baseball to throw but whatever. I know, can't always get what you want.

On Sunday the three of us went to one of my favorite places in all of Philadelphia - the Italian Market. Basically it's an open market with local farmers selling fresh fruits and veggies. There are also many butchers, fish markets, gourmet markets, cheeses, coffees and restaurants down there as well. I just love it. We ate lunch down in a section of Philly called Old City. We walked down to the water and got to eat ice cream. The weather both days was absolutely beautiful - really couldn't have asked for better - so we wanted to take advantage.

Times like this weekend make me grateful I moved back east to be closer to my family. They truly are a joy to be around. They are a gift.

Screaming from Inside

My friend Katie Sue gave me a copy of Jill Phillips' self-titled CD a while back. If you've never heard of Jill Phillips I encourage you to look into this cd. It's really good. Although there are many songs on the album that I find poignant, I keep coming back to one in particular. I heard it again this week on my ipod as I was walking to work from the train station. It describes my current state and answers the question of how am I better then I can articulate. Here are the lyrics to the song "Live By the Sword":

I don’t see why I don’t see what bothers me
And I don’t know why I don’t know won’t let me go
I should have listened to myself when I had it down
This dose of my own medicine is too big to swallow now
This is the time when I find what’s inside of me
This is the time when I decide what I believe

CHORUS:
If I want to be real in this world
The I have to realize
If I am going to live by the sword
I'm gonna have to die by the sword

It’s easy to be calm when there’s no crashing tide
It’s easy to be quiet when it’s loud outside
It’s easy to be humble when you’re glorified
But now I’m out here on my own and screaming from inside

This is the time when I find what’s inside of me
This is the time when I decide what I believe

CHORUS

You stripped me down to basics
You left my heart exposed
There is no pride in times like this
No one said it was easy
No one said it was fair
But nobody’s happy when it is

Lord, I need your loving arms to carry me
When I look in the mirror and don’t like what I see
I know you know what I desire to do
So help me follow even when it’s not easy to

CHORUS

Shoeless Dawn

Normally when I commute by train I will wear flip-flops, Teva sandals, sneakers or some other type of easily walkable footwear (obviously my choice varies by season and weather). I'll put my sandals or heals on when I get to the office. On Thursday I was at an afternoon meeting that ran late. When it was finally over I bolted out of the meeting (leaving my jacket behind that a co-worker graciously picked up for me) to catch my train. Since the meeting ran late, I did not have enough time to change shoes so I was left to walk in my slip on sandals.

These sandals are actually quite comfortable and I have no problem walking in them for long distances. However speed and slip on do not mesh. I inadvertently lost my shoe at least twice on my walk to the train. As I stepped forward, off came my shoe and down came my heel on the pavement. That felt good.

I managed to walk up the stairs to my platform as my train was just stopping to load passengers. I sat and read my book and was grateful to have caught my train. Once near my stop, I waited in the aisle along with the other passengers. I was about 5 people deep.

As I was exiting the train, I was completely distracted by the guy in front of me. As I got to the last step, off came my shoe once again. This time, however, it didn't just fall off. It fell UNDER the train. Good times. So, I had to hold up the line and sort of climb under the train (in a skirt nonetheless) to retrieve my shoe. Now that was fun.

I'm glad I could provide dinnertime conversation for people that evening. 'Honey, you gotta listen to this. There was this woman getting off the train….'

Good Times

I had to stop at the grocery store on my way home to pick up a few things. For some reason (although I probably already know) I was frustrated as I pulled in to the parking lot. There were two spots that I saw and as I turned to head into one I saw that there was a shopping cart blocking the way. So, I maneuvered around it and managed to park next to it and not hit it with my door as I got out.

In my moment of total frustration I decided to push the cart out of the way (in theory I was making room so someone else could park next to me). I charged toward the cart, put my hands on the handle and ran directly into the cart bar with my shin.

Newton's law of motion - the one where an object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by an outside source - you know that law is true? My body (my shin especially) stayed in motion until it was acted upon by an outside force of a broken shopping cart. I knew that was going to leave a mark.

I now have this beautiful, already colorful, fairly large bump on my shin. It's almost as if the side of one of those small bouncy balls is sticking out of my leg. It's pretty and will only get prettier as the colors change and time goes on.

Yup, that cleared up my frustration.

Shopping cart 1 Dawn 0

Flash?

Today I wore this pretty, flowy skirt to work. The weather outlook made my choice seem reasonable. As is the case for most of the country during the summer months, there were some isolated or scattered storms blowing through the area. That happened to kick up the wind a bit as the afternoon wore on.

Fast forward to my leaving work. The wind, although not crazy strong by any means, seemed to be whipping especially around the part of campus I call the wind tunnel. Let me paint the picture for you:

wind + flowy skirt = Marilyn Monroe moment

I turned the corner near my building and this blast of wind decided to blow from the south (if you know what I mean). I quickly grabbed my skirt as quickly as I could and held it down for most of the rest of my walk to the train station. I didn't officially flash as far as I know. But then again, Marilyn didn't quite either in that famous picture.

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." (CS Lewis)

As I was driving back to Philly today and sort of processing the past two weeks I happened to be listening to a Christian radio station out of the NY/NJ area. I don't remember the song that was on but it was talking about God (shocker that a Christian radio station would have a song about God) and believing in him. Something sort of hit me - it's not that I doubt my belief in God. I know that I believe in him. Sometimes I doubt that he believes in me. Lately I tend to put too much stock into my circumstances and allow them to be the lens through which I view everything, especially God. My circumstances lead me to believe that God can't possibly believe in me. What hit me is - what if he does. What if my current circumstances are a part of the process of God doing the best for me? What if this is just a time of pain? What if I'm in the valley of the shadow of death (or something that feels like it at times) and the quiet waters and green pasture are just up ahead?

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." (CS Lewis)

CS Lewis was one insightful guy.

Vacation

Free at last; Thank God almighty I am free at last!

I am now officially on vacation for the next two, count them one...two, weeks. Can you tell I am a bit excited about that fact? No need to answer.

I will be adding a new state to my list of states I've visited. Washington will be added when I head to Seattle on Tuesday. I hope to see the sites, spend time with friends, eat too much, stay up too late and laugh until I cry. Sounds like a great time to me.

I'll end my trip in Phoenix visiting my dad and relaxing by the pool. I will get some much needed rest there along with some much needed time with a dear friend. Since my dad is 'sick' I want to spend some time with him. Bring on the sun. I'm sure I'll also eat too much there too. Is there any other way to spend vacation?

I hope to come home full, not only on good food but also emotionally and spiritually from time with friends and family. It wouldn't hurt to come home tan too.

I Have a Pet Peeve

Okay, so I probably have many. This, however, is the only one I'll share. For now.

I don't know what it is with Philly but so many people smoke. Now you, smoker person, have as much 'right' to smoke as I have to breathe clear air. Seems you, however, are always at an advantage.

My pet peeve is not that people smoke. My pet peeve is people who smoke and walk at the same time. Ah, it's SO annoying. It's one thing to walk outside and a smoker is standing there. I can usually walk away and be fine. However, when you walk and smoke at the same time there is no escape. It doesn't matter if I walk in front of you or behind you (although behind is way worse), I can still smell that disgusting smoke.

All you smokers, would you kindly give us non-smokers a break and stand still when you contaminate your lungs. I'd like to keep my lungs as clean as possible. The urban air is enough of a hazard.

To Be Seen

"I gotta go make sure Owen's alright. But when I get back, I want to see you, Janet; really see you. Will you let me do that?"

Ah; what a line. It's from October Road. It's what the character Eddie says to Janet. He's got a few good lines right before it and she has a great answer after it. Yeah, I know it's tv and I know that someone (probably a woman) wrote the line above; but what a line.

I want that. To be seen. It's what I crave and what makes me scared out of my mind all at the same time. Funny how that happens.

I need your grace to remind me to find my own.

Perspective

I was traveling to work on Monday and was sort of creating a blog entry in my mind. I would write about having to clean snow off my car again, how thunder was clapping as the snow was falling in a weird spring meets winter way, sitting in wet pants on the train, the flooding and the damage that all the rain before the snow had brought, etc. I was witty in the blog in my mind; an award in the making.

Then I clicked on cnn.com while at work and suddenly the snow, rain, wet pants and whatever else I was going to convey just didn't seem to matter quite so much. Unthinkable tragedy. Stunned silence.

There have been students I have interacted with in one capacity or another (even if it was just via a story being told to me) who we have recommended to counseling. Depression is rampant in our culture and our young people like at no other time. I see it almost every day in the students on campus; I feel it in my own life at times. It's just unreal.

Hind site is always 20-20. People, the media especially, will 'woulda, coulda, shoulda' this to death in the days/weeks to come. Blame will be tossed around like pennies into a fountain. Many will carry guilt with them and some forever. Some will be haunted by images and sounds every time they close their eyes.

In spite of many of my feelings about and toward the VT Administration, the Police and the gunman himself, I can't help but think of his family. They lost a son, a brother that day. They, too, grieve and mourn a loss so profound. They carry a burden and a guilt that I can not begin to imagine. Then to see your son's final video broadcast on national news (I've got a lot to say about that - perhaps another time). The pictures and images will haunt them as well. I can't help but think that the young man so troubled and in my opinion possessed, who unleashed an eerily calculated fury on that day was once a little boy. He ran, giggled, and played. He dreamed of being someone and doing something. What happened? Where did things go so very wrong? I just can't help but think of his family and the loss they feel.

Some how this extended winter weather (how reliable can a groundhog be anyway) just doesn't seem so significant.

A work in progress

See Me Beautiful

I see me broken.
You see me beautiful.

I see me broken.
I see every mistake;
I feel every failure;
I know every weakness;
I sense every flaw.
Yet, you see me beautiful.

I see me broken.
I see my shortcomings;
I question my value;
I carry my fear;
I doubt my worth.
Yet, you see me beautiful.

I see me broken.
You see me beautiful.
May my eyes see me as You see me;
I see me broken.
May I see me beautiful.

A moment with robin

In all we got about 4-6 inches of sleet in this storm. Well, do you know what happens to sleet when it's cold? Yeah, it freezes. Fun times. I looked outside my window this morning when I woke up and saw the funniest thing. Some guy couldn't get his door open - it froze shut. So, he took one of those garden shovels, you know the kind that you see in all those movies that people use to smack someone upside the head? He was using that to try to pry his car door open. Too funny. Of course his scrapper was inside his car (as it is for us all) and he couldn't get that unless he got in the car.

I'm glad that I did clear my car off as much as I did yesterday when I got home from work because it made today a lot easier. I went out while the sun was still out. Luckily the sun did a lot of the work for me. I brought my shovel out and tried to dig around my tires. That wasn't happening. All of a sudden I hear the beeping (or squeeking) of someone trying to unlock their car doors with a remote. I look around and no one is there. "That's obnoxious" I said outloud to no one in particular as I thought it was just some person trying to scare me when I realized it was the car parked next to mine. Suddenly, the car starts. Mind you, NO ONE is IN the car at this point. That got another comment with me with a twist - "that's really obnoxious" came out of my mouth, once again to no one in particular. I've only seen those remote starter things on tv or in advertisements. I can vouch that they work.

I'm getting ready to head back inside (you can only try for so long to remove ice from next to your tires that doesn't want to move) and I look up to see a robin standing on the snow looking straight at me. I couldn't help but smile because I know the bird and I were thinking the same thing. Didn't we just have spring this week? Where did it go?

I walked back inside and looked out my window to see if the phantom car owner had actually come out or not and I saw the robin standing in front of my front driver's side tire just looking around. It was almost like it was asking, where did she go? (you know we had a moment earlier). Again I smiled as I was reminded that Spring is indeed around the corner. The snow will melt, the flowers will bloom and the birds will sing.

I am so excited for Spring.

March Madness

Beware the ides of March....

Yesterday here in Philly it was 70 degrees. Today here in Philly it's about 40+ degrees less than that AND there is a combination of ice, slush and snow falling from the skies. What a difference a day makes.

I left work early today; my whole office did. I am glad I got out when I did because the roads are horrible. It's so slick and so slippery out there. I decided I should clear off my whole car when I got home to my apartment (and not just my rear and front windows as I did before leaving the train station lot). I figured it's only going to get worse so lets get some off the car now. There is nothing like getting pelted in the face by blowing ice that is falling from the sky. Feels good. Talk about a smack in the face.

Then I came inside and did what my mom would have done for me as a kid after spending time outside in the cold and snow. I made a cup of hot chocolate. Yummo. I even had marshmallows in the freezer (makes them last longer) that I put in it. It's fun being a kid at any age.

The other type of March madness in my life now is basketball. Oh well, got off work early giving me more time to knit in front of the tv while watching basketball. Sounds good to me.

I am woman...

I am reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge. This is my second time reading it and it is just a fabulous book. If you haven't read it, you should consider it. You won't regret it.

There is a section that I read on the train on the way home that hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought I'd share it.

"Most of you thought the things that have happened to you were somehow your fault - that you deserved it. If only you had been prettier or smarter or done more or pleased them, somehow it wouldn't have happened. You would have been loved. They wouldn't have hurt you. And most of you are living with the guilt that somehow it's your fault you aren't more deeply pursued now. That you do not have an essential role in a great adventure. That you have no beauty to unveil. The message of our wounds nearly always is, 'this is because of you. This is what you deserve.' It changes things to realize that, no, it is because you are glorious that these things happened. It is because you are a major threat to the kingdom of darkness. Because you uniquely carry the glory of God to the world. You are hated (by the enemy) because of your beauty and power."

Not so easy to believe but words that I need to let sink in.

"You really won't understand your life as a woman until you understand this:

You are passionately loved by the God of the universe.
You are passionately hated by his Enemy."

That's a bit powerful. Defenitely going to need more time to soak in that.

A Timely Word

Proverbs 15:23 says "how good is a timely word." The writer was so very true about that one. As was the writer who wrote Proverbs 12:25 which says "an anxious heart weighs a man down but a kind word cheers him up."

Today I had an anxious heart. I even wrote a confession email about it to a friend. I had a conversation not too long after I wrote that email that was both timely and the kind word I needed.

On my way to the bathroom I ran into one of our facilities workers. She is in her 70's and is such a grandma type – she is as sweet as they come and a really hard worker. We chatted for a few minutes and she complimented my sweater that I said I got from my mom. In our conversation about moms and daughters she said the sweetest thing. She told me that I am a nice person, I have a good personality and she loves me. Ah, melt my heart. I told her how much joy she brings to my life each day that I get to see her and said that I love her too, which I do.

Considering all the negative talk I have been given while working in this job and the anxious state of my heart, her words did cheer me up. No my anxiety is not all gone, but I was definitely lifted up.

So I Think I Can Dance

When I was at the Mother Ship (the apartment complex that manages my complex and has a Club House) for the knitting class on Tuesday I found out that someone is teaching a hip-hop/jazz dance class. You have no idea how excited that made me.

So, I went Thursday night for my first class. How much stinkin' fun did I have? So much. I forgot how much I love dance classes and creating routines. Ah, joy to my heart and life to my feet. It also brought pain to my back and thighs but oh well. Nothing a little aspirin, heating pad or Therma-Care can't fix.

I realized how out of shape I have become. I haven't exercised since the weather has turned cold. I'm paying for it now, but hopefully between this class and the warmer weather (hey, it's bound to get here at some point) hopefully I'll be back in shape soon. Or at least enough shape where my body doesn't hurt the next day after a class. It's one pain that I am okay with having.

I'm a knitter by Tuesday and a hip-hopper (wannabe) by Thursday. Sounds like a good mix to me.

One Stitch, Two Stitch...

I have always wanted to learn how to knit. I never thought I'd get my first lesson in a bar surrounded by people playing poker and drinking beer.

My apartment complex is owned by a company but managed by another apartment complex I call the Mother Ship. The Mother Ship houses the swimming pool, fitness center (I use that phrase loosely), club house, tennis courts etc. They have started this idea of clubs or groups. Residents of any of the complexes that feed off the Mother Ship can start a group that they'd like. The Mother Ship will help with advertising and offsetting any costs. One resident decided to start a knitting group.

Last night was the first meeting. We were supposed to meet in the fitness room but there was a tae kwon do class going on at the time. They were supposed to end at 8:30pm at which time we would start. When our group leader went in to ask about when their class would end, she was told they would be at least 15 more minutes. No one pushed the envelope – after all, she's a tae kwon do teacher. I wouldn't mess with anyone who could injure me with one kick of the leg or punch of the arm and a resounding "hut-he-yah". (I mean no offense to anyone who takes or knows tae-kwon-do and I don't mean to make fun of your discipline.)

So, our only other choice was to meet around a table in the bar area. So there we were – about15 women – sitting around a table in a bar holding our needles and balls of yarn ready to learn. We got some stares (some trying to figure out what we were doing and why and others checking out some of the women walking in) and some comments (one guy wanted to join the group next week after seeing some 'hot' chicks). Screaming as she spoke (to be heard over the music, the table slapping and the lovely words coming from people's mouths), our leader introduced us first to the concept of casting on.

She gave us some diagrams to help us with the process. Now I am a visual learner. However, I just looked at these diagrams with a "huh?" look on my face. Seated next to me was a girl who pulled out her dog sweater that she was working on and started to knit away. Show off. :-)

She came because it was a chance to meet other people who knit or were interested in learning. Regardless of her motivation, she turned out to be a huge help. She saw the look on my face and helped me figure out how to form the correct knot and cast on appropriately. Then she also helped me to figure out the knit stitch. Good grief, people who knit make it look so easy. After a while I finally got the hang of it. Let's hope I don't forget by next time.

I am excited to knit myself a scarf and who knows what else. I thought the scarf was a safe place to start – seems fairly basic and if it looks horrible, I'll just wear it under my coat and no one else has to know.

I am excited to go back next week. We can only hope for an open fitness room or the knitting group is once again taking over the bar.

Thoughts on Joy

This week I was listening to a podcast by Joyce Meyer on joy. It's actually titled Enjoying Everyday Life or something like that. Anyway, she had some thoughts on joy that I found to be good reminders. I thought I'd share a few of them.

Jesus came that we might have life to the full (abundantly). It is God's will that we enjoy life.

The enemy has sold us the lie that we are not to enjoy life.

We ought to enjoy the journey of getting to where we're wanting to go. Joy is a choice. We can enjoy traffic if we choose to.

It's not our situation or circumstances but the joy of the Lord that is our strength.

For many of us we get up and just hope to survive the day. We don't remember that Jesus died for more than us just making it through.

The joy of the Lord is our strength. The enemy knows when he steals our joy he steals our strength.

Contentment is learned (Paul said I have learned to be content) and joy is a choice.

We should be joyous in trials because although the trial drains us joy strengthens us.

Joy is a weapon. Don't let the enemy steal your joy because you don't like your circumstances. Fight back with the fruit of joy. No matter what the circumstance we should say I believe this will turn out for good. After all Romans 8:28 says that God works all things together for good.

Boy did I need that this week. I want to choose joy.

Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful....

The Valentine's Day Storm is upon us. Yes, the media names storms; probably in part so they can have some 'cool' logo to go along with it. The snow started yesterday around 10am or so. Somewhere in the afternoon it switched to this freezing rain/sleet mix. It continued with that throughout the night.

Enter this morning. My alarm went off and unlike many in Philadelphia I did not hit snooze and got up and ready for work. I went outside to start and clean off my car. I didn't quite expect what I got when I went out. There was snow, around 4 inches or snow. In addition to the snow there was a 'nice' layer of rain/sleet permenantly attached to all of my windows. Fun times. Okay, so we didn't get 11 feet like some other places say Oswego, NY. But for the AZ girl that I am, any amount of snow is a lot of snow in my opinion.

So, I stood outside trying desperately to clean off my windshield, back and side windows while the freezing rain that was still falling was slapping me in the face. The wind was a whippin'. There were a few times where I literally asked myself out loud what in the world I was doing. I kept looking around and for the longest time there was NO ONE else outside. I kept wondering if they all knew something I didn't. That whole cleaning off the car thing kind of took longer than expected. Then began the journey of driving to the train station.

Once my car was clean enough that I could see out the windows (a very important fact if you ask me), I began driving. I made it down the hill, out the parking lot and into the street. I expected to find the streets plowed. However, I found one big slushy mess. I made it down the street to my turn. I took the right turn slowly, in one of my lower gears. I slowly made my way up the hill. I looked in my rearview mirror, as most drivers do, and found an interesting sight. A mini van was behind me sliding all over the road. Now I don't know if it was a non-snow-experienced driver, someone trying to have 'fun' in the snow or a legitimate slider. Regardless, I gripped the steering wheel a bit harder (as if my knuckles weren't white already) and continued praying that I would not be hit from behind. I continued on my way and continued to see the mini van behind me sliding along the road. We came to a stop light and I braced myself. Luckily for me, the van did not hit me. I managed to make a left turn through that intersection and continue on yet another slushy road. Then came my right onto the hill that would take me down to the train station parking lot. Oh Jesus, here we go.

Okay, so I continued to talk to God and my car along the drive down the hill. As the car in front of me continuously braked (and I was wondering - what are you thinking, down shift don't brake), I managed to make it to the bottom of that hill without being hit or sliding, even when the bus passed me in the other direction (with the plow in front, may I add). Phew!

I also managed to turn left and head up and down that hill to get to the station. Once I got there I now had to turn into the parking lot and actually park my car in the snow covered, icy layered stuff on the ground. I continued to remain white knuckled and managed to even back my car into a 'spot' in the lot. I walked and missed my train by about 30 seconds. Luckily the local was only 5 minutes behind. I sat down and was SO grateful that I didn't slide, I wasn't hit and I made it safely; stupid as it might have been to even go to work. As we decided at work, once you get started it's hard to turn around. You're already up and dressed and out in the mess so why not continue on. In some ways, honestly, it becomes this 'I must go', 'I must make it there' kind of thing. I will get to the station; I will get to the station....

I took mass transit to work and once I emerged from underground the city was not any cleaner. The main thoroughfare through the city of Philadelphia was one giant slush mess. Now it was fun to cross that one. At least I didn't fall on my butt. That would have been fun. Not many people were at work today and we did leave a bit early. It's crazy cold outside and is only going to get colder. Temps didn't get above freezing and won't for God only knows how long. Tomorrow we are supposed to have insane winds and the wind temps will be below zero. So, the snow isn't melting any time soon. I admit that I am a bit nervous about trying to drive in the morning. My parking lot here at my complex is snowed over. Will I get out of my parking spot in the morning (considering I was spinning trying to get in the spot)? Tomorrow has enough worries of its own. Leave it for tomorrow. Tomorrow I will white knuckle it again and make my way in to the city. Look at the bright side - it will be 'sunny' (I use that term loosely having lived in AZ - the sunniest place on earth) for the next two days; we don't have 11 feet of snow; I get to take public transportation so I don't have to drive and park in the city; I have something to write on this blog. All bright spots indeed.

Oh Spring, Spring; where fore art though?

Adventures in Urban Traveling

It's cold. Okay, not Oswego, NY cold but cold nonetheless; especially for this AZ girl. Every morning on my way to work I take the train into the city. I get off and walk about 3 blocks to my building. On my journey I have to walk through what we affectionately call 'the wind tunnel'. It's just your typical city, walk between buildings, get blown away business. Anyway, it can do a number on ya on any given day, especially when it's icy cold wind that whips you in the face. So, I got a bright idea this week. I'd get off my train in Center City Philadelphia and take the underground trolley the rest of the way. This trolley would let me off directly across from my building. Sweet....and warm!

So, Monday comes around and I find the trolley with no problem (after someone at work told me it was kind of complicated to get to. I followed the signs; not too complicated.) There was only one other person on the trolley and the driver was so sweet. I asked if it stopped at 33rd St. before getting on. She let me know that it did indeed stop at my stop. She also was kind enough to let me know that every trolley regardless of # stopped at 33rd. I thanked her, sat down, and got off at my stop. It was fabulous, especially when Monday morning was 9 below 0. That's cold.

Tuesday comes along and I wake up to some snow on the ground. After cleaning off my car and waiting for my train, I got off at the same stop and once again found the trolley station. Since it had snowed over night, everyone in Philadelphia (or so it seemed) had the same idea to take the trolley. Whereas Monday I had a choice of seats and shared a trolley with one other person most of the way, Tuesday the whole city was trying to squeeze in. I happen to get on one and found a seat next to a young kid. Early high school age I think. Now there are people standing everywhere so it's a tight squeeze. The kid needed to get off before my stop. No problem. I got up and attempted to move into the aisle to allow the kid out. Now instead of going to the front where there were less people standing at this point, he decides he wants to head out the back. So, he squeezes past me and others who were standing there. In the process I lost hold of the stuff in my hands and was trying to catch everything before it fell to the ground. I managed to get hold of everything (I'm bent over at this point with my bag up against my leg - but it's not one the ground) and as I was trying to stand up straight to return to my seat the trolley jerked to a start (as it always does) and down went Dawn. I fell backward and luckily fell directly into my seat. That sounds good except for the fact that these are hard seats, I have a boney butt and I fell directly in between two seats - you know that lip that separates the seats. Yeah, that felt good. I was SO grateful not to have fallen flat on my face in the trolley aisle though. If I had to choose I'll take the sore butt.

Wed and Thurs were pretty uneventful in comparison. Although each day I misread which door would be opening and just made it out of the trolley each time before the doors closed. Friday rolled around and I figured I'm going to get it today. I'm going to use the force and choose the right door.

I get on with no trouble. The trolley is kind of light. I sit in a double seater by myself, right by the doors. I stand at the doors as we get to my stop (and managed to keep all my things with me). The trolley stops and neither door opens. So, I stand and wait in the middle, not to miss the correct door this time. Suddenly the driver comes over the loud speaker thing. The speakers make this ding sound when the driver is ready to announce the next stop. Suddenly I hear - ding "step down". Okay, it takes me second to realize that the driver is referring to me and she is also trying to help me get out of the steal cage that I am in at the moment. Her words register and I step down and low and behold the doors open. Who knew!?!

Good times. I do love public transportation. I get to fly by on the train while others are experiencing road rage along the highways and roads. It does make for adventures in traveling though.

Quote

I happen to collect quotes. I'm not sure where that started. I even have a book that I would often write quotes in and now I seem to keep them in a documet on my computer. I recently heard this quote while watching the movie Akeelah and the Bee. This is my quote for 2007 to go along with my song for 2007. The quote is by Marianne Williamson. May these words sink deep.

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some, it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Anyway

I know many people who choose a poem, song, quote, or verse etc. to represent themselves for a particular year. I never really thought much about it until this year. I've heard a song and quote recently which I'd like to call mine for 2007. The song is titled Anyway by Martina McBride.

You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might never come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea - sing it anyway

I sing
I dream
I love
Anyway

If you get the chance, listen to it. My hope is that no matter what - I chose to love, dream, hope and dance anyway.

Blog Name

Well, I did it. I entered the world of blogging. Why? Well, I have several reasons but in short I'll go with because I want to. Who knew it was such a process to choose and find a name for a blog. Me, being...well...me...wanted to make sure that I chose something that had meaning. As many know, dance has been a big theme in my life over the past couple of years (probably most of my life if I really think about it). So, I knew it had to have dance in it. One of my favorite quotes is "dance as though no one is watching; love as though you've never been hurt; sing as though no one can hear you; live as though heaven is on earth." Honestly, I'm not sure who it's by. That is where the title comes from. This year, and for the rest of my life, I hope to dance as though no one but the Lord is watching.